


Yoki Yoki Panic! A Fallen Pokémon Paradise

by PhilNSchipper



Category: Pocket Monsters | Pokemon (Main Video Game Series), Pocket Monsters | Pokemon - All Media Types
Genre: Gen, No humans
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-20
Updated: 2019-07-16
Packaged: 2019-08-04 15:36:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 19
Words: 22,669
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16349408
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PhilNSchipper/pseuds/PhilNSchipper
Summary: After the extinction of humans, legendary Pokémon created a new chain of islands, where many of the surviving Pokémon (those from the first four generations) grew intelligent and created their own society. But, after 500 years, what was once a peaceful--if slightly weird--place is now descending into chaos, thanks in no small part to a terrible Sneasel named Jack Vanderlin. Follow several residents as their daily lives begin to fold into a chain of events that will change the Yoki Yoki Islands forever.





	1. An Introduction to Yoki Yoki

**Author's Note:**

> WARNING: The following story is not suitable for children, the easily offended, or anyone who wishes to keep their sanity. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here begins BOOK ONE: Sneasels, Damned Sneasels, and Liars.

_“Our glorious island_  
_Was built by legendary Pokémon,_  
_Who saw fit to bestow_  
_The gift of a paradise,_  
_Peaceful and harmonious, upon—”_

“CUUUT!” yelled Exploud, jumping up from the director’s chair. The whole crew covered their ears, as did the singer, who dropped his guitar in surprise. He was a Pikachu with sunglasses and a long mane of, um, human hair. Weird.

“I knew it!” Exploud bellowed. “You’re just doing a parody of a copyrighted Elton John song! From a movie that nobody remembers!”

The Pikachu, Colin, picked up his guitar again. “Be mellow, man. It’s been 500 years. After a while, music sets itself free from the shackles of the man.”

The Exploud growled. “And another thing! You can’t say ‘peaceful and harmonious.’ Someone’s going to call Tauros-shit and we’re going to get sued for FALSE ADVERTISING!”

The Pikachu’s ears drooped against his hair. “Uh, I mean, I can change the—”

“GET OUT!”

Defeated, Colin packed up his things and shuffled out. “Oh, by the way, man, if you see smoke or something coming from my room… That’s, uh, just my soul brother, Koffing. Yeah. He, uh… likes to come visit.”

Exploud looked like he was about to, well, explode, but Colin hurried out the door. With his main yelling target gone, the camera and light crews tensed up, afraid he’d turn on them.  
Instead, he sighed and muttered, “I knew I should have just listened to my boss and stuck with the brochure…”

* * *

 

 

_Legend has it that the extinction of humans was part of a terrible catastrophe that swallowed up multiple regions of the world. Saddened by the loss, the legendaries of the time created a new chain of islands, a paradise just for Pokémon. From the remaining continents—Kanto, Johto, Hoenn and Sinnoh—many intelligent Pokémon settled on this new land and turned it into a lively, bustling and cheerful place. It is known as the Yoki Yoki Islands._

_Featuring all the modern conveniences you could ask for, while at the same time full of nature’s most breathtaking venues, Yoki Yoki is more than just a vacation destination. It’s a place to stay for a lifetime. With the new expansion of Starly Town and special move-in discounts, it’s never been easier, quicker or cheaper to move in! Have your very own custom home built today!_

The female Sneasel finished reading the brochure and looked up at her husband, who was also a Sneasel. “So what do you think?” she said. “I know you weren’t ready to retire just yet, but we could use some of the fund to make the move, and you could join the force there. It has to be more peaceful than this.”

The male Sneasel, Alister, looked her in the eyes. Though she wasn’t really different in appearance from other Sneasels, he found Mona to be by far the most beautiful, even after all these years. It made him a little self-conscious, truthfully, because he knew his own fur was getting gray around the edges.

“I don’t know,” he finally said. “It’s a big change. Do you suppose everything it says in the brochure is really true?”

In truth, neither of them had any idea what they were in for. Had they known, they probably would have run screaming, or torn the brochure to shreds. It didn’t warn them that just beneath the lovely surface of Yoki Yoki lurked a Pokémon slave trade as well as a hidden mafia. They couldn’t expect the widespread alcohol problem, the mad science, or the horrible, ugly violence that lay ahead.

Mona looked at the brochure some more. “I mean, it sounds nice enough to me. And anyway, I’d do anything to get away from the way things have been here. Especially with that other Sneasel…”

“You mean Jack,” Alister said, not afraid to bring it up, even if it was a sore subject. “Well, I do agree about that. I just worry the police here will have a hard time without me.”

Mona took his hand. “Maybe they will, but I want you to do what’s best for you. I’m just… not sure how much more of this you can take.”

As if on cue, an Elekid came running down the street outside. “Oh no! Mareep is being eaten by a Ponyta!” it screamed.

A Seedot went up to the Elekid. “Uh… how would that even work? Wouldn’t the Mareep—”

“Get out of here! WE DON’T NEED YOUR LOGIC!” yelled the Elekid, and punted the Seedot off the nearby pier into the ocean.

“I REGRET NOTHING!” the Seedot yelled as it fell into the water.

Alister and Mona had been watching the whole thing play out, but they finally turned back toward each other. Alister had a strange, half amused and half frustrated look on his face. “You know what?

You’re right,” he said. “We should go. At the very least, we won’t have to deal with this kind of weird stuff anymore.”

They stood up and began to make arrangements, Mona calling the housing company while Alister got started on packing up their things.

Neither one realized that they weren’t getting away from anything. In fact, as they would soon find out, Yoki would prove to be full of even more craziness, not to mention more of that damned Jack.

For them personally, however, there was essentially one thing looming ahead: terrible tragedy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, everyone, and welcome to the Yoki Yoki Islands. This novel-length tale is based on characters that were established by multiple people around 10 years ago, when Diamond and Pearl were the current main games in the series. There were a lot of characters, and I'm going to focus on what I hope is a fair handful of them. While a lot was established back then, this project aims to further the arcs we began years ago and see them through to the end. As hinted above, expect lots of curse words, violence, and reference to stuff that's slightly more mature than usual for Pokémon.
> 
> To those that already know Yoki: don't worry, Colin isn't actually going to be a major character to this. I hope to cover the original events while always adding something new as I go, so enjoy the memories! I hope I portray your characters well.
> 
> Final note: if all goes as planned, I should get a chapter done about once every two days, so look out for them!


	2. Iam, Meet Ivan

Iam held his beret anxiously, waiting in line at the café. It was abnormally busy, which didn’t help one bit. At this point, he probably couldn’t afford a coffee, but he really needed to get his mind off things today.

He was certain he’d blown yet another job interview.

It wasn’t for lack of trying; he’d taken every bit of advice his college counselors (not to mention his mother) had given him. Yet the Pikachu couldn’t help noticing the interviewers, a Granbull and Ursaring, weren’t impressed. They had kept their sour gazes trained on him the whole time. By the end, he found himself apologizing and dashing out the door.

Iam finally got up to the front of the line. “Um, I’d like a house brew with two creams and sugars, and… how about a shot of strawberry flavoring?”

The Kricketot behind the counter gave him a funny look at that last bit, but didn’t comment. “That’ll be five coins,” he said simply.

Iam gave the Kricketot a silver-colored piece with a Wartortle emblazoned on it, worth the five coin price. “Thanks,” he said, moving over to the other counter to wait for his drink.

As he turned, he noticed an unusual-looking Meowth walking in the door. He was in a suit in a style Iam had never seen before, with an oversized pink bow in place of a tie. He was wearing a monocle, and had a shock of lightning-shaped hair in the place of the coin Meowths usually sported.

He seemed to be a particularly interesting person, not to mention rather good-looking.

“Your drink, sir,” said the Kricketot, snapping Iam out of it. He felt as if the red spots on his cheeks were expanding in a blush: he had been staring. He thanked the barista and took his drink to a small table.

As he waited for it to cool a bit, he looked around. The café’s traffic was probably due to the light rain outside, he realized. In the background, there was a soft dreamy tune playing by Starry Daze, an all-Clefairy band that was just starting to get popular.

Just as he was taking his first drink, he spotted the Meowth again, heading straight towards him. No, he was probably just headed to the door…

“Hello there,” said the Meowth.

Despite the gulp of coffee, Iam’s mouth went dry instantly. He froze up. Did this guy notice him staring?

“I couldn’t help but notice…” the Meowth said. The pause dragged. “…that you’re the only other Pokémon in this café that’s as well-dressed as myself.”

Iam exhaled, not believing the words. “Wh-what, this?” he said, referring to his blue beret and jacket. “Oh, it’s nothing,” he said with a nervous laugh.

The Meowth shook his head. “Not so. Few Pokémon wear clothes at all these days, but your outfit is in very good taste. Might I ask your name?”

Iam’s nervous laughter just kept going. “Oh, yeah. It’s Iam. And you’re…?”

“Ivan Churluv, Ace Detective,” he said with a flourish.

“Wow, Ace Detective? What’s that like?”

Seeing Iam’s interest, Ivan sat down at the table with his drink. “Well, to tell the truth, there haven’t been many high-profile cases that have interested me lately, except for one. It’s more of a… personal project. I came here to get a little room to reflect on the evidence I have. What about you?”

Iam sighed. He didn’t really want to admit to his problem, but he couldn’t think of any way around it. The Ace Detective probably would have figured it out somehow anyway. “I just came from a job interview. I’m, uh… just looking at the moment.”

Ivan nodded thoughtfully, having a long drink of his own drink.

Iam didn’t like the silence, so he changed the subject. “Tell me more about this personal project of yours!” he blurted out.

There was another pause. “His name is… Des Guise. He’s thought to be a Shedinja of the craftiest sort, never seen by anyone. But, he’s behind many of the problems that plague our world. On occasion, he’s been known to leave a calling card. Many other investigators have been fooled into thinking that he doesn’t exist at all, but…”

Ivan looked up at Iam, who was holding his drink tightly and listening attentively. The Meowth cleared his throat. “I’m sorry. I don’t mean to bore you with so many details.”

“No, no,” Iam said earnestly. Actually, this investigation stuff sounded a lot more fun than any of the things he’d studied for. “Please tell me more.”

Ivan smiled gratefully. “I’m currently tracking him to a chain of islands known as Yoki Yoki. I had hoped to find an assistant that could help me while I was out there…” He looked Iam in the eyes. “In fact, if you decide not to take the job you had interviewed for—”

“Of course!” Iam said. Wait, no, that was too eager. He backpedaled. “I mean, is there an application I could turn in?”

Instead, Ivan simply extended his hand. “No, there isn’t. I already believe you’ll be the perfect person for the job.”

* * *

 

“Iam?”

Iam snapped out of his thoughts and looked around, his fork still in the pancakes he’d made earlier. He blushed, realizing his mind was drifting back to their first meeting again. “Sorry, sir.”

“It’s quite alright,” Ivan said. He stood up, having already finished his plate, and plucked it off their small table. “You know, you don’t have to call me sir. We’re nearly the same age, and it’s been almost two years now. You’re hardly in training anymore.”

Iam laughed, rubbing his head. “You think so? I feel like I haven’t even approached your level yet, sir. You’ve been doing this pretty much your whole life, right?”

Not that you would think it, looking around the detective agency. Despite the signage outside, it sort of just looked like a residence. In fact, Ivan and Iam did both live in it. The walls were already half covered in photos of them both from the last two years, and outside this kitchen was a nice lounge, but clients rarely sat in the chairs these days. Most of their detective work still focused on Des Guise.

Their conversation was interrupted by a lot of shouting and commotion outside. Ivan jumped up and peered out the window.

“What is it, sir?” Iam asked.

Ivan paused for a long moment, then headed to the door. “Something far worse than I ever expected."


	3. Garden Skirimish

It was a bright, peaceful day in Starly Town, a light breeze drifting through the thick trees. Vit, a Treecko, looked up at the blue sky and smiled. Sometimes he needed to use Sunny Day to make things like this, but today, it just happened by itself. That was a good sign. A pleasant day meant a nice time for gardening.

However, the thing about mornings was that people felt the need to talk to him.

“Good morning, Vit,” said Lanter, a green and orange Chinchou. Vit waved idly. Lanter wasn’t too bad, since he usually just said hello and went on to fishing each day.

“What a beautiful day!” shouted Gallore, Vit’s neighbor. “I must paint this!”

Vit sighed with relief. Gallore was distracted today. The Gallade often claimed that he and Vit were good friends, and had a tendency to get into his business. One day Vit had caught him painting a picture of him while he was tending his garden, and he didn’t even get why that was weird.

In general, people in Yoki Yoki were just naturally friendly, and many were interested in Vit. Maybe it was because he was considered shiny, having a blue tint to his skin and a dark orange tail. Then again, lots of others around the islands had unusual looks, so he doubted that.

The only ones that never bothered Vit at all were Ivan and Iam, the detectives from across the way. He figured they must have sleuthed out the fact that he didn’t like social interaction much.

Picking up his watering can, Vit went to visit the only ones he really felt like talking to: his plants. “Good morning, Lily. Good morning, Daisy,” he said as we went. The flowers were usually first, since the berry trees took a lot less upkeep anyway.

After a minute, though, he noticed an unfamiliar Sneasel in a fedora, leaning over his fence and snickering. Vit stopped and looked at him. “Um… what is it?” he asked.

The Sneasel stopped and looked at him for a second. “Are you… talking to your plants?”

“Well, yes,” Vit said, looking down self-consciously. “I’ve heard that talking to your plants can help them grow better. And I think that little details like that are what help make me a successful gardener.” Well, maybe being a Grass type didn’t hurt, either.

The Sneasel rolled his green eyes and lit up a cigarette. Vit thought about just moving on, but something about this guy made him uncomfortable. After taking a breath of it, the Sneasel said, “You really like this gardening stuff, don’t you?”

“Yeah, I do. I’m out here working on it every day. I mean, it’s what I do.”

There was another pause and a few more puffs of the cigarette before anything else happened. Then, “Well, if you love it so much, let’s see you save it.” The Sneasel nonchalantly tossed his cigarette right into the hedge, causing it to ignite instantly.

Vit cried out in alarm and unscrewed the cap of his watering can, then dumped some of it onto the small fire. He examined the leaves and noted that only a few of them had really gotten burned.

He whirled around. “What did you do that f—”

The Sneasel wasn’t where he left him and had jumped the fence. He was laughing as he tore at the roots of Vit’s plants with his claws. Vit was speechless. How could anyone be so mean?

“Hey!” From the other side of the garden, Gallore was shouting angrily. “What are you doing in my friend’s garden?”

Vit would have corrected him about the friend thing, but hey, he was grateful in this case.

The Sneasel tossed some of the soil at Gallore. “What does it look like? Hey, nice fist, old man!”

Gallore growled. “Old man? Ha! We’ll see what you think after this!” And with that, Gallore vanished into thin air.

Vit and the Sneasel both stood there for a second, equally confused.

Just as the Sneasel was starting to laugh some more, he was hit in the back of the head by a sparking Thunderpunch. Gallore had Teleported into place. “Don’t let your guard down, boy.”

Gallore didn’t let the Sneasel get up before slashing out with the blades on his arms, producing glowing purple arcs of light that flew towards the Sneasel, who rolled out of the way, shouting, “Don’t call me boy! You’re gonna croak any minute!”

Wait a minute, were those Psycho Cuts? Vit couldn’t be certain, but he was pretty sure he’d heard that Dark types—Sneasel included—had a natural immunity to Psychic attacks. Did Gallore not know that? Considering the trouble he went through to dodge them, did _the Sneasel_ not know it?

As he was thinking this, a couple of things happened. For one, a large crowd of other Pokémon was gathering to spectate. He saw lots of different kinds, some he knew from around town and some he didn’t. A Raticate was dragging her young Rattata away from it. “Don’t go near them, dearie, you’ll catch Pokérabies!”

“But Mooom,” the Rattata whined.

At the same time, the Sneasel got right up close to Gallore and started clawing at him directly. It looked like he was going to try to claw his eyes out, but they were in a stalemate, grabbing at each other’s arms.

“Hit him with the chair!” said a random Zigzagoon.

“I want to bet on the Pinap tree!”

“I want to bet on the Feraligatr!”

Wait, Feraligatr? Indeed, there was one, wearing some kind of headband. He had pushed his way through the crowd and was sizing them up. As soon as Gallore pushed back a little, the Feraligatr grabbed the Sneasel from behind in a massive bear hug. Gallore tried to keep attacking, but that Meowth, Ivan, stepped in.

Vit let out a relieved breath as the Sneasel was brought away. He looked at his garden, realizing that dozens of his flowers were torn up, and the ground had little divots from Psycho Cuts. It would take weeks to get it back together.

“Don’t worry, Vit,” Gallore said, smiling. “You don’t have to thank me. It’s just what friends are for!”

***

Not three hours later, the Sneasel came back.

Vit was still working on his garden, cleaning up the damaged plants and assessing what he’d have to replace. This time, he was determined not to react.

“Hey buddy,” said the Sneasel. “I realized I didn’t introduce myself last time. Name’s Jack. Yours?”

Vit tossed some clippings in a bag.

“You’re probably wondering how I ended up back here. See, that Feraligatr thought he could just scare me off from this…”

Vit pulled a destroyed plant from the ground.

Jack stared at him for a minute. “Hey, stop ignoring me, wimp!” He hopped over the fence and began clawing at the ground.

Vit smiled, just a little.

Jack’s claws didn’t hit anything. Confused, he tried again, but they just scraped at what felt like a solid layer of plastic. It was a Safeguard.

Jack growled in frustration and charged at Vit, but it was no good. He had one on himself, too. It couldn’t take a lot of hits, but it was enough for now.

Just then a crackle of lightning surged through the air. Jack cried out and fell to the ground, stunned by a Thunderwave. Vit turned to see Lanter on his way home, looking a bit freaked out.

“Oh my gosh! I’m sorry,” said Lanter. “I just saw a commotion and…”

“Damn you,” Jack grunted.

Vit sighed. “Don’t worry, Lanter. He’s not exactly a nice guy.”

Gallore came out of his house, putting a half-finished wooden sculpture aside as he approached the scene. “He’s back again? Why, I ought to…”

“Let’s not fight anymore, please,” Vit said quickly.

After a pause, Gallore said, “Fine. I’ll bring him back to the authorities and make sure they know how dangerous he is.”

With that, he threw Jack over his shoulder. The Sneasel glared at them as he was carried off, shouting, “I’m going to remember all of you, and you’re going to get it sooner than you think!”


	4. Town Escape

Jack was pissed.

Twice in one day he’d been humiliated by that old Gallade, not to mention his little Treecko buddy. Worse still, he couldn’t even fight back.

And now he was about to be jailed by a _Poliwag_ , of all things.

The Gallade had carried him out of Starly Town and down Arbok Way, where the police station was. It kind of just looked like a big office with a conspicuous lounge—and no sign of the jail cells. _Typical lazy-asses_ , he thought.

“This guy’s been trying to destroy my friend’s property,” the Gallade was saying to the Poliwag, who had a hilarious little police hat on. “And he’s guilty of assault, too.”

“Now hang on just a second, asshole,” said Jack, wriggling a little bit. He could sort of move now, though not very much. “You’re the one who attacked me out there.”

“I was just trying to stop you. You tried to kill me. And then you tried to kill Vit, too.”

The Poliwag was just standing there taking notes this whole time.

Jack laughed bitterly. “If I killed you guys, I’d be doing this island a favor.”

The Gallade pointed a bladed hand at the Poliwag. “See, officer? He admits his guilt!”

The Poliwag muttered, “Uh, actually, I don’t think that’s what he—”

But while the Gallade was busy pointing, Jack felt an opportunity. His muscles felt a lot more responsive now. He dove to the floor and slashed the Gallade’s ankles, causing him to double over. Jack stumbled a bit, but he was able to run.

He dashed down the street, past the bar and towards the woods. There were too many other Pokémon here. If they sounded an alert, he’d be swarmed by the crowds. It was far better to leap through the Leaf Green Forest, a huge area that he knew well—he had established his house deep within it, after all.

After a bit, though, he heard a siren approaching. He cursed. Who had they sent after him?

He leapt up and grabbed onto a branch with his claws, swinging up into a higher one. Looking down at the forest floor, Jack spotted… that Poliwag again. How could he have caught up that fast? There were red and blue lights flashing around the cop as the siren wailed louder.

“I see you up there! Stop, in the name of the law!” shouted the Poliwag. A solid stream of Bubblebeam flew towards Jack, but he jumped away.

“Coward, using such a wimpy attack,” he taunted. He had to get in close. He slipped behind a tree, then ran to another one. He didn’t care if his opponent saw him—he just didn’t want to get hit at range.

Dancing around a tree nearby, Jack lunged in and swiped the Poliwag with his claws. The Poliwag cried out and tossed his police hat at him, ineffectually. Jack smirked—must have been just a low-ranking officer. He wasn’t carrying a gun and probably wasn’t trained all that well.

Jack grabbed onto his foe’s round body with both hands and slammed him into a tree, getting a couple of extra kicks in as well. “Fuck off, you,” he said. Hopefully he had him put down for a minute.

Jack turned back and staggered back toward town. He’d been pushing hard for a while there, but after multiple fights today, he was hurting. The Gallade had gotten a couple of lucky shots in, plus exhaustion was starting to kick in. He didn’t want to admit it, but a stop at the hospital could really help right now.

He ran out of the forest and back into Arbok Way, where several random Pokémon cried out in surprise as he pushed past them. The hospital wasn’t very far in, which was good, because presently he heard that damned siren again. How was that Poliwag even doing that?

“I’m hurt!” he yelled as soon as he entered. There were a lot of Chanseys walking around the hospital, and at hearing that, two of them herded him toward a room. He didn’t like that, but it was better than getting nabbed by that copper.

Sure enough, the siren blared just inside the door. He looked back just in time to hear the Poliwag declare, “I’ve come to apprehend that Sneasel!”

A Chansey shook her head. “Hospital policy is to make sure all patients are in clear health before letting them leave for any reason—even imprisonment.”

“I’ll wait,” grumbled the Poliwag.

Jack smirked. Good. He had time to come up with a plan. He couldn’t imagine this place had a lot of security, after all.

After a short wait, the doctor came in to see him. She was a Xatu wearing glasses and a lab coat. “Hello there, Mister… Jack, is it? I’m Doktorb.”

“How’d you know my name?” Jack asked, crossing his arms.

She began telekinetically picking up a few bottles, a needle and some thread. “I’m a psychic. Naturally, I already know about the fight you got yourself into. How troublesome,” she said, as if making conversation.

Jack growled. “I guess then you know what I’ll do if you don’t stay out of my head.”

“Quite. Now then, let’s operate.”

All told, everything took about an hour or so. In Jack’s opinion, this Doktorb was cheating—she never touched her materials once. But, he’d been stitched up pretty well and didn’t feel any pain, and all his limbs and everything seemed to work perfectly.

After confirming his condition, Doktorb said, “Now, there’s one last thing we have to take care of.”

“If you want me to pay for this, you’re out of luck,” Jack said. “Not my fault they decided to attack me.”

She shook her head. “Not that. You see, you’re pretty dangerous, Jack. I’m afraid I’m going to have to keep you here for the night. And since I’m sure you’ll object, I brought a little sedation.”

The needle hovered right in front of his face. Shit, he had to get out of this. If he didn’t, he’d be stuck in jail, and that would be a lot harder to get free from.

Just then, there was a loud crash and screaming. He got up to look and noticed the Chanseys running down the hallways.

Doktorb was distracted, too. Jack grabbed the needle out of the air and plunged it into her neck before sprinting out. Now he just had to get past that Poliwag cop.

Which, it turned out, wasn’t that hard, either. The Poliwag was fighting off crowds of Tentacool for some reason. Jack didn’t really have time to figure out why. He just ran.

As he continued through town, he noticed it was flooded with the Tentacool, led by the occasional Tentacruel. “Full speed ahead!” yelled one. “We’re coming for that booty!”

“Yarr, fancypants!” said a Tentacool as it burst into a building.

Pirates. Jack had heard of Tacru’s pirates, and he didn’t really care. If they were attacking, that was the perfect cover for his escape.

After everything that had happened, Jack was sick of this island. Everyone just wanted to stop him from having any fun, to hold him back, lock him up, or fight with him. He had to get out.

Quite a bit of running and dodging pirates later, Jack arrived at the docks. There were a lot of boats lying around, and in all the commotion they were unattended. The pirates weren’t guarding the coast, either. As Water types, they probably didn’t need boats of their own, so he was surprised they didn’t just smash them all to trap the residents.

Well, either way, it was good for him. He selected a boat small enough for him to operate by himself.

There were several other islands on the Yoki Yoki chain, of course, but only Jack knew his destination. “See ya, Yoki,” he said out loud. “Don’t worry, I’ll be back for you.”


	5. Haunter's Bar

Iam sighed, lagging a little bit. After spending what seemed like hours just worrying about this strange situation with that new Sneasel in town, Ivan had agreed to go around town asking if anybody knew anything about him. And yet, they were no closer to finding anything, it seemed.

Ivan probably wouldn’t have shown any interest at all, except for the fact that he was convinced that Jack must be an agent of Des Guise. It was fine whether he was or not, in Iam’s opinion—this guy was trouble either way, and they just had to get to the bottom of it.

Only… he didn’t exactly want to run into him. He was kind of scary, to be honest.

“Excuse me,” Ivan said to a Poochyena on the street. “Have you seen a Sneasel with a fedora around town?”

“What?” snapped the Poochyena. “You think all Dark types know each other? I could have you reported for profilin’!” It then stormed off, muttering about racism.

Ivan turned back toward Iam. “We’re really not having any luck,” he said. “It seems this Sneasel has either just arrived here, or remained practically invisible up until now. What do you think we should do, Iam?”

He got asked this quite often, actually. “Well,” he said, just thinking out loud. “We could… try somewhere that rumors usually gather. Like… a tavern, or something.”

Ivan nodded. “You mean the local bar. Yes, that might just work.”

So the pair headed down busy Arbok Way and entered one of the biggest buildings in town. It was plain brick and had little in the way of decoration on the outside, and not that many windows either. The sign above the door read simply, “Haunter’s Bar.”

They went inside and were immediately hit by the loudness of it all. A couple dozen large Pokémon were scattered around the large area, sitting and standing around wooden tables and chairs. There were several Fighting types and older looking ones, but overall they varied quite a bit.

Behind the bar, a Rotom was tossing a bottle back and forth, seemingly staring off into space, while an Absol served drinks to a Banette.

Iam hesitated at the door, but Ivan looked back at him with a reassuring smile and a nod. Encouraged, he followed closely behind his mentor.

“What can I get you boys?” said the Absol, turning her head towards them.

Ivan shook his head. “Actually, we’re here looking for information. Is the owner around?”

The Absol looked uncertain. “Is it important? He doesn’t like to be bothered…”

Iam whispered, “If he keeps to himself, he probably hasn’t heard anything. Let’s try someone else.”

“How about you?” Ivan asked the Absol. “We’re looking for anything relating to a Sneasel wearing a fedora. Can you tell us anything?”

She shrugged. “I mostly tend to the job here. If people are talking about it… The one who’s been here the most is that Banette.”

Just as Ivan was about to ask the Banette something, Iam tapped his shoulder. He’d just heard something.

“So anyway, about that Feraligatr, Ralph,” a Croagunk was saying. “You know, the one that stopped that fight in town earlier today? I hear he was just found knocked out and ham-stringed. Apparently his muscles were slashed up so bad, he won’t be up and walking around for a while.”

“You think the Sneasel did it?” asked a Machoke.

The Croagunk shook his head. “I don’t know, but man, I wouldn’t want to get on his bad side.”

As they were listening to this, a Charizard walked in and sat at the bar. A Glalie turned to him and said, “Hey! Watch where you’re puttin’ that tail! Some of us are real sensitive to heat!”

The Charizard whirled around, causing his chair to bash into a Floatzel at the next table. “You got a problem with me?” He threw a punch, which missed and ended up hitting a Vigoroth instead.

Pretty quickly, the whole place was erupting into a massive bar fight. Iam and Ivan huddled in a corner, along with the Banette. They watched as a Hitmonlee kicked a Seedot like a soccer ball, and it bounced off a Pinsir’s face and through the window, yelling, “NOT AGAIN!”

“Not again, indeed,” the Banette muttered, trembling a little bit.

“Do these fights happen often?” asked Ivan.

The Banette nodded morosely. “Almost every day. Haunter tries to get the bartenders to stop them, but they can’t really do anything…” He still had a drink in his hand, and he took a big swig.

“We need to get out of here,” Iam said. “We’ll have to make a break for it—”

Just then, the door was slammed open and a Tentacruel with an eye patch over one of its head orbs burst in. “Alright, ye landlubbers,” he said. “We either want all yer money, all yer rum, or we’ll destroy yer bar!”

The fighting sort of lulled for a second, but they just went back to it even as a whole mess of Tentacool came in. Some of them even joined in the fighting, slapping others with their tentacles.

Haunter materialized and said in a low voice, “I’ve already had enough damage today. Take the rum, then. I can always get more. Bartenders! This is coming out of your check!”

The Absol sighed in despair. “Not again…”

The Rotom, on the other hand, didn’t do anything. Haunter slapped him in the back of the head. “Hey! You better get back to work. I need you to cover the night shift and I’m not paying you overtime, especially after all this slacking.”

“S-sorry,” said the Rotom. “I was just thinking about my hometown… We never had anything like this…”

Haunter sighed. “If you two ever actually did anything, we wouldn’t have this problem in the first place.” With that, he vanished.

Iam scratched his head. With everything just unfolding in front of him, he felt like he was watching some kind of movie, not assisting an investigation.

“B-boss!” said someone outside.

The Tentacruel growled, having just grabbed a bottle right off the shelf with a long tentacle. “What is it?!”

“We’re being wiped out en masse! It’s bad! There’s someone really strong out there!”

He roared in frustration, poured the whole bottle in his mouth—which had a hook on top of it instead of a beak—and stormed out.

There was a pause. “Boys, some time today!”

The Tentacools grumbled and left dejectedly, leaving the rest of the patrons to finish their fight, although most were getting tired out. Several tables and chairs were already busted.

Ivan beckoned Iam. “Quickly, we should see what’s going on.”

They walked out just in time to see two very small figures marching up to the Tentacruel and his minions. The sun was blinding, but Iam thought he saw a Plusle and Minun with weird, black and white coloration.

“It’s over, Tacru!” they said in unison. “Twin Thunder!”

Two massive bolts of lightning arced from the sky and struck the Tentacruel directly. He cursed and fell, panting. “Damn you… Boys, we retreat for now!” As the Plusle and Minun cheered and giggled triumphantly, the pirates filtered out of the town.

It took a couple of minutes for all of them to leave, and in the process, the Plusle and Minun went away, too. “That was… quite a thing,” Iam said, unsure what more to say.

Ivan nodded. “I would agree. We should head home for the day.”

“Huh? But we never talked to that Banette!”

“Yes, but we did learn a lot. For example, I’m sure you took a lot of great notes,” Ivan said.

Iam looked down at his notes. At the top, it said:

_IVAN CHURLUV! Ace Detective you want on your side._   
_IVAN CHURLUV! His directive’s tracking down Des Guise._

Below that was a little doodle of Ivan winking, followed by a list of his best qualities.

“Uh, sure I did,” Iam said, face getting flushed. “I’ll have to sort through them, though. Lots of, uh, mistakes.”

Ivan looked thoughtful. “Regardless, there’s a lot of trouble brewing here, and it confirms one thing. That Jack isn’t the only threat here—perhaps not even the biggest one. I’m sure Des Guise is behind this—but he’s started working on a larger scale. I think our troubles are only beginning.”


	6. Kill Order

A very, very large Arbok curled her seemingly endless tail, relaxing for a moment. She was finally home.

As a freelance bounty hunter, Aob’s work was very stressful, and sometimes she could end up following a mark for a week at a time before finding the moment to strike. Such had been the case with a particularly troublesome Marowak, but that was finally over. She could finally sit back and relax in her hot tub, suitably large for her size.

Though most female Pokémon these days were stereotyped toward an intellectual field like science or engineering, Aob never had any interest in that stuff. As a child, she had enjoyed the fantasy of chasing bad guys, and nobody really questioned it because she had _always_ been way bigger than average. There had been a slight dose of reality over the years, but bounty hunting was definitely the best fit in the real world.

While she waited for the hot tub to heat up, she noticed that her answering machine was blinking. She tapped the button with the tip of her tail and listened. From it, a hard, accented male voice came.

“I hear youse is a pretty hoity-toity bounty hunter. I gots a job for ya. You better meet me in eight hours, or else it’s gonna be your name on the list, see?”

As the voice laid out the directions for the rendezvous point, Aob swallowed. The message was from four hours ago, leaving her just enough time to get there. And if this was who she thought it was, she really didn’t want to be on that list. Cursing, she shut down the hot tub and slithered out to the jungle surrounding her home, quickly. Her evening of relaxation was canceled.

* * *

Just under four hours later, the sun had set, and Aob’s big, old-fashioned, luxury ship made port at a rocky outcropping. There were about five Murkrow watching her as she crossed onto land.

They gestured with their beaks at a small cave opening, where three more met up with her. Without a word, they blindfolded her and guided her on ahead.

It felt like hours of making random turns, punctuated only by low creaks and some changes in pressure and temperature. Just when she thought she couldn’t take it anymore, they stopped and pushed a large chair under her. This was mostly politeness, she figured, because she couldn’t really sit down.

“Tanks for comin’,” said the voice from the answering machine. He was about five feet in front of her, she guessed. “Excuse my manners, but I had to make sure youse was legit. My own security and all.”

“If that’s so, you still took quite a risk,” she said. “If I wanted to kill you, I could probably make the leap instantly.”

He chuckled. “Dat’s what insurance is for, see?” Aob heard the unmistakable click of a round being chambered. Very few guns were available these days, and even less ammunition, but she was sure this was the real deal.

“Anyway,” he continued, “There are a couple guys that have pissed me off recently, and I want ‘em dealt with, see? You have a week to get rid of ‘em and bring back proof, or we get rid of you. Got it?”

She nodded. “Understood. Who are they?”

“My guys’ll give you a couple pictures when you leave, along with their last known locations. If you mean names, I can give you those now: Jack and Gallore.”

* * *

Aob lay in wait beneath the sands of her home island, Tropius Oasis. She’d spent the night resting on her ship to prepare for the fight. According to the intel she received, Jack was last seen rowing his way over here from Yoki Yoki Island. She was sure it would take him a lot longer to get here that way than she did, but she could only hope she got the right person.

A few minutes before she estimated, there was a sound of movement coming from the docks. She tensed, ready to strike. Though his landfall probably took only two minutes, it felt like an eternity to Aob due to her anticipation.

Then she heard the footfalls, and she knew at once they could only come from clawed feet. This was it. She burrowed closer, careful not to cause any movement he might detect.

_Here we go._

She shot up. Her head erupted from the sand just behind him and came down with a poisonous bite. The Sneasel yelled in surprise and whirled around with his claws, but she was too quick.

“Ugh! What the hell?” said the Sneasel. Yeah, it was him alright.

Aob pulled herself further out of the sand and circled around Jack, hoping to limit his movement. He slashed at her with his claws, but she just took the pain and spit more poison at him. “You’ve made yourself pretty unpopular. Oh well, it’s a job for me.”

He jumped right at her and clawed at the base of her neck. She twisted and bit down on his side. “Dammit!” yelled Jack. He grabbed on and stabbed a claw into her eye.

Aob thrashed from side to side, roaring with pain. Jack pulled his claw out and hacked at the eye over and over, as she wriggled away from him.

The rest of her tail surfaced, turning into an Iron Tail and slamming into him. He fell to the ground, cursing loudly. Jack tried to get up, but his leg gave out.

Pressing the advantage, Aob coiled her tail around his arms and legs and began squeezing. He bit down on her, but she just chuckled at that. That was _her_ move.

“It’s over, Jack,” she said. “You could have just let yourself die, but you just had to fight me, didn’t you?”

He started to reply, but she was wrapping around him further and squeezed the air out of his lungs. He writhed and struggled for a while, but eventually went limp.

The fedora slipped off his head, falling to the ground.

Aob kept it up for a little longer, then released him. She checked his breathing and pulse. Dead. She smiled and plucked his body off the sand. With her injured eye closed, she brought the corpse back to her ship. One down. It was time to collect her reward.

* * *

_Do you know the price?_

* * *

Some time later, a cloaked figure appeared out of thin air on the beach. It stood there for a moment, then reached down and picked up the feathered fedora from the sand.

It seemed to look at it for a moment.

“This… reminds me of something.”


	7. A Scrape With Time

Fire. Death.

“What in the eighteen bloody Hells is going on here?”

Massive explosions tore through a skyscraper as two green-tinted Sandshrews fled. There were tons of other Pokémon running and screaming, but to Tig, he and his sister Kate were the only ones who mattered.

“Come on,” she said. “I have an idea!”

She led him back towards their home, where they lived alone. Though they were both older, they’d both returned there a few years ago to take care of their aging mother. Even when she passed, they stuck together.

Maybe that was why neither of them had evolved, still.

Inside, Kate opened the basement door and ran down the stairs.

“Oh yeah, hide in the basement,” Tig said, rolling his eyes. “It’s not a bunker, you know! Or did you want to save your experiments?”

Despite his comments, he had to stay with her, and he followed her down the stairs. The room had about a dozen cloth covers hiding various inventions of hers.

She quickly ripped one off, unveiling a massive, stainless steel cylinder with a hatch in the front. It was her biggest project of all, and Tig recognized it immediately.

“The time machine,” he said flatly. “You came back here for… your time machine.”

“It was going to be a surprise,” Kate said. “But the truth is, I actually think I got it to work. It’s not the best escape plan, but…”

He shook his head. “Brilliant. You always were the clever one. Let’s get in, then.”

She didn’t say anything more, frowning for some reason as she opened up the hatch. Inside, most of it was jammed with wires, buttons and boards, and there was a single harness.

“There’s only room for one,” he observed.

She nodded and quickly pushed him in. “I’m going to miss you, big brother, but… you have to survive.”

“Oh no,” he said. “You’re my little sister and you know how this works—”

Kate pressed a button and the harness strapped over Tig’s body by itself. He couldn’t move. “I’m sorry,” she said, tears forming in her eyes. “I wish I could go, but I made all this stuff for you. You know that.”

“Don’t be a bloody idiot! You’re an inventor, not some hero. More than that, you’re my only family in the world. How am I supposed to go without you?”

“You know,” she sobbed, “Family can mean more than one thing. You could make a change.” Without explaining herself, she added, “Goodbye, Tig. I love you.”

He didn’t even get a chance to reply before the machine closed up and began whirring to life. “Dammit!” he yelled. “Kate! Damn you!”

Okay, now was not the time to panic. He didn’t fully understand the controls, but he was pretty sure he still had time to set it to something like three hours ago. He could go back and warn Kate and… himself, he supposed, and they could get out of there.

As he reached for the knob, there was a lurching, and the whole thing went dark.

And then, for a brief second, Tig swore he saw Dialga.

* * *

But that had all been weeks ago. Tig didn’t land back in his home time or place. He was in some place called Yoki Yoki Island, probably some time in the past. He had already been through all the screaming and cursing, the attempts to make the machine work again, everything. But no, it just landed somewhere completely unexpected and broke on him.

Yet every night, when he managed to get himself to sleep in a shallow hole in the ground, he saw it all again. Not surprising. It was a pretty major trauma for him.

What was odd, he thought, was what didn’t show up. Right after his weird encounter with a Legendary Pokémon, he had felt sharp pains throughout his body, as if he was bursting out of the harness. By the time the machine came to a stop, he could barely fit in the cockpit at all, and the harness was shredded to pieces. He had crawled out of the remains, a spiny Sandslash.

So after wandering the town aimlessly for days on end, listening to the people with their funny accents and feeling lost, he finally made up his mind.

The time machine was busted. Busted machines needed mechanics. Mechanics wanted money. And to get money…

Tig the Sandslash walked into a big, noisy bar, walked up to the Rotom behind the counter, and declared, “I’d like to apply for a job.”

A Haunter formed from nothing in the empty space near the Rotom. Tig tried not to flinch as the Haunter sized him up.

“You’ll be wanting to talk to me, then,” said the Haunter. “What are you applying for?”

“Chef—” Tig said, looking around. “Er, cook.”

“Good with bar food? You can make drinks?”

Tig nodded. “I’m a food expert, but drinks aren’t a problem.”

The Haunter gestured behind Tig. He looked back and saw quite a lot of Fighting and Rock types talking and laughing. “If they get too rowdy, you can put an end to it?”

He thought about it for a minute. “Well, I’m not the world’s best fighter, but I’ve got a mean Rock Smash,” he said with a chuckle.

Haunter didn’t even crack a smile. “Eh, we’re short on bartenders. Start now and get these people served.”

At once he was swarmed with drink orders. Cooking was his passion, but few people ordered any food at all. He was so overwhelmed trying to get the drinks made while the Rotom juggled drink bottles with his nonexistent hands.

By the time it died down, he felt exhausted. He was just about to go for a break when a very fine-looking Delcatty in a lab coat walked in. He tried not to stare, but she noticed his look instantly.

“WHY are you STARING at ME?” she demanded, her voice sounding bizarre as she shouted certain words, seemingly at random.

He gulped. “Well, I was just admiring your—”

“You should be MAKING me some FOOD at ONCE!” she said. “I have no TIME for your silly PLEASANTRIES!”

“Right away, ma’am,” he found himself saying. “Uh… what would you like?”

“You DECIDE!”

He made a mental note not to try talking anymore. Instead, he began working on an old favorite sandwich. He threw some bacon on a frying pan and started slicing up an apple.

The Delcatty glared at him. “WHY are you making ANIMAL CARCASS?”

“Uh, because it’s a necessary part of the dish?”

“You UNCULTURED idiot! Don’t you KNOW that I am a VEGETARIAN?”

He froze. “Oh. Um… I didn’t know.”

“One should always ASSUME that everyone IS!”

“I could try making it without,” he offered. “Though it might not be as good.”

“You would OFFER me an INFERIOR product?” She looked like she was going to explode.

Tig sighed. What had he gotten into? “Look, this has been an interesting conversation, but it’s kind of getting out of hand. Could you leave before—”

“You WANT me to DEPART?”

There was a long silence. The Delcatty reached up and put the goggles over her eyes. Her mouth opened wide and she let out the most terrifying, unholy sound Tig had ever heard.

In a flash she was over the bar and had slashed Tig’s stomach up with her claws. As he grunted in pain, her teeth came up and tore at his face violently. He felt as if he was being ripped apart.

He nearly blacked out, totally missing how the fight ended. The next thing he knew, she was standing there with her goggles off, looking slightly confused. “My WORD!” she shouted. “I have COME INTO CONTACT with ANOTHER CREATURE! I have been TAINTED! Why did I come here ANYWAY?”

Everyone was staring at her. “I do not need your EYES on MY BODY!” With that, she left.

Tig shook his head and collapsed from his injuries. But as it turned out, he was lucky to be going to the hospital. If he had stayed here in the bar, he would have been around for a much worse confrontation.


	8. Chimera Begins

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The creator of today's main character made a helpful illustration. Please admire its majesty.  
> 

Everything was scrambled, light and sound that didn’t make any sense.

It was both kind of great and pretty terrible at the same time.

“I’M ALIVE!1 Exclamation point!1 One!1 Exclamation one!1 This joke is kind of hard to pull off in this format.”

Though things were fuzzy, there was some kind of pink-colored shape that ignored what was said. “At last!” it yelled, laughing maniacally. “We have successfully created a fusion of Dunsparce and Seviper: the ultimate hybrid!”

“Or the most hideous, useless creature ever devised,” something blue said flatly.

The thing in question shook its big, fanged head and looked around, though since its eyes were permanently closed like a Dunsparce, it’s unclear how it did. Its little wings flapped erratically, pulling it upward just a little.

“Hi, prepz!1” it said.

“Incidentally, what should we name this… specimen?” asked the blue one. With its vision clearing, the thing instinctively recognized that one as an Illumise. Or maybe a Volbeat?

“Well, it’s a boy,” said the other one, a Slowbro. “I had a few name ideas picked out, since I always wanted a son… How does Chimera Experiment 01 sound?”

And with that, Chimera was born. While he was working out how to communicate the weirdness going through his head, the scientists did a few extra checks on him.

First they made him try eating, just giving him a hunk of raw meat. He swallowed it whole and it dropped straight back toward his tail.

Next they blew some fans at him and had him flap his wings. It was kind of boring, but they said he did okay.

“Scientific discovery,” he huffed when he landed. “Pop quiz!1 What is the square root of Fig Newton’s Law?”

The Illumise shook her head. “You have two brains… It figures that they’d be a little scrambled. Maybe it’ll wear off?”

“Scrambled eggs, toast and bacon,” said Chimera. “Cinnamon Toast Crunch is a part of this balanced breakfast. What’s an imbalanced breakfast?”

The Slowbro hurried back into the room, frowning, as much as a Slowbro can hurry anyway. “I just got a call from the sponsor. Chimera, we have a mission for you.”

“What’s a mission?” asked Chimera. “Sounds goffik!1” He was pretty excited about, well, whatever it was.

“They want you to go find some guy named Jack,” explained the Slowbro. “Then when you find him, help him with—”

“Help Jack!1 Kthx bye!1” said Chimera, achieving liftoff with his wings. “Later, prepz!1”

He stopped suddenly.

“Which way out?”

* * *

Chimera flew high over the jungle in a weird, twisty pattern. It was kind of nice, but he also didn’t particularly like it.

“In the jungle, the mighty jungle,” he sang, “Something something, are lion Pokémon invented yet?”

For the most part the ground was covered by a green blanket of leaves from the treetops, but one object did stick out: a massive ferris wheel. Without any other clues, Chimera flew straight towards it, and after several minutes of flying, perched right on the top.

Up there in the basket was a Gallade, who was drawing in a sketchbook. Chimera stuck his head down toward him and said, “Hey, have you ever, ever met a Pokémon that reminds you of the name Jack?”

The Gallade seemed startled, but didn’t seem to mind the intrusion. “You mean that troublemaking Sneasel? I think I saw him coming up to the beach on my way here. Does that help? If not, I’m leaving soon, and…”

Chimera nodded. “Well, that’s just fine. OR IS IT?!1 Yeah it is. Thank you for your patronage!”

He then hopped off, beginning his flight anew.

* * *

 

When he finally figured out which side was the beach, he found only a cloaked figure, just standing there.

“Where’s the Jack?” said Chimera as he came in to land. “That doesn’t look like a Jack. Wait, what did he look like? I don’t remember. Or I didn’t ask. I don’t know, continuity is so confusing!1”

The cloaked figure had been watching him this whole time. After a pause, a male voice called out to Chimera. “You there, strange Pokémon. Did you say Jack?”

Chimera slither-hopped toward the figure. “Oh yes, oh yes, ‘that’s the mission,’ they would say to I. You know this Jack?”

The reply that came back sounded sort of amused. “Yes, I know him very well. A pity, though. He isn’t here. Let me ask you a question in return. Have you seen a Gallade around lately? Or an Arbok?”

Despite all the weird jumblings, the wires in Chimera’s brain seemed to click at that. Well, not literal wires. Hopefully.

“I did see a Gallade!1 But mostly I asked him a question. He was on a giant wheel that went around and around and around and around and…” Chimera stopped and looked at the cloaked guy. “What were we talking about?”

“I would like to meet with this Gallade. Can you take me to him?”

“Sure why not!1 He said he was leaving the island, which, I guess means he’ll be coming in a direction that is sort of like this one?”

The man in the cloak seemed to think for a minute. “Let’s wait and watch for him, then.”

A few minutes later, a ship with the sign of an Arbok’s hood on its sail arrived on the beach. It stopped there, but nobody left.

The cloaked man stepped away from the ship somewhat. “Interesting. Actually, this might work in our favor.”

“Oh, it must be the favor of the week,” said Chimera.

Just then, a bladed hand cut through the thick leaves at the jungle’s edge, and out popped that Gallade. He looked at them and seemed to recognize Chimera from earlier.

“Oh, hello,” said the Gallade. “Uh, who are you?”

The cloaked man stayed silent for a moment. Then he said, “My name is Jonas.”

“Are you carrying the wheel?!1” asked Chimera excitedly. “Oh, I’m the Dark Arrow Cast from the Glaring Face of Nightmares, but those one prepz just called me Chimera!1”

The Gallade nodded. “Uh, okay. Well, I’m—”

“Gallore, I know,” Jonas said impatiently. “I think the person on that ship wanted to see you,” he added, pointing at the one with the Arbok sign.

Chimera bobbed his head around. “Did they really? Would they? Who? Hmmmmm?”

Gallore seemed surprised, but he looked back at the ship. “Oh. Uh… well, thank you, I guess. I’ll have to check that out.”

As Gallore headed toward the ship, Chimera commented, “When do we get to the part with the Jack? It’s my favorite part of the film.”

Jonas watched the Gallade board the ship and said in an amused tone, “Oh, you’ll learn all about Jack. But first, I want to see the results of my work.”


	9. My Name Is...

Aob couldn’t believe her luck.

Knowing that Gallore, her second target, was on the Tropius Oasis island, and that he lived back on central Yoki Yoki, she had come up with a simple plan. She would wait until he got on a boat back home, slip onto it, and finish him while he was alone on the seas. Just a quick, easy kill without spectators.

What she didn’t count on was that he’d go onto her ship. She wanted to know why, of course, but now wasn’t the time for questions. Not poised for a sneak attack, she’d have to try something else.

By the time Gallore reached her, she was pretending to work at her sail. She turned theatrically and said, “Oh, hello.”

“Hi,” he said, clearly nervous. “Someone said you wanted to talk to me?”

Well that was strange indeed. “Talk, yes,” she said, thinking fast. She moved her head closer to him, her tail still swept across the length of the deck. With the tip, she flipped a lever. “I had a proposition for you.”

“Really?” Gallore said, smoothing the strange hair thing Gallades had. “Well, I’m flattered. Tell me more.”

What an idiot. “Well, first let me make something clear.” Her demeanor changed completely as she reared up several feet above Gallore and looked down at him menacingly. She knew that anyone that looked her in the face would freeze up with fear, giving her the chance to strike.

The Gallade looked like he couldn’t decide whether to fight or run. The mechanism was already pulling up the anchor automatically, and the ship was heading out to sea.

“You came here to die,” she said simply, and leapt toward him.

Just then the ship lurched abruptly. She wasn’t sure what happened, but Gallore was tipped away from her attack and tumbled backward.

She turned toward him and he disappeared. “Dammit!” she yelled. Did he escape? This was why she charged extra for Psychic types. Not only did they tend to hit her pretty hard, they also had an annoying habit of Teleporting.

A burst of pain hit her head from behind. She cursed and whirled around, the attack continuing to affect her internally. Gallore was standing right there, grinning. “Did you think I’d be an easy target? How’d you like my Zen Headbutt?”

So he wanted a fight. At least she didn’t have to chase him. Her Iron Tail whipped around at him, but he jumped it without much trouble. She lunged at him again.

A loud bang interrupted her. Gunfire? She and Gallore both looked down to see the deck splinter in a tiny spot, a fresh bullet piercing it.

Aob jumped back and pulled her tail in close just as a couple more shots came down. The Gallade was moving too, but it looked like something grazed his arm.

Taking cover behind her ship’s wheel, she looked up and spotted something on her mast. There was someone wearing some kind of cloak, and… was that a Seviper with wings? It didn’t look right.

She snapped out of it and looked around. Gallore must have had the same idea as her. “Looks like someone’s after you and I both,” she called out to Gallore. “Should we call a truce?”

“Sure!” said Gallore. “What were you trying to kill me for anyway?”

How trusting he was. Instead of answering, she tried to work out a way to climb the mast without getting shot. It was dangerous. She could try firing Poison Stings, but they would be nothing compared to gunshots.

Then something unexpected happened. The cloaked figure vanished, then reappeared on the ship’s deck, right next to Aob. Another Psychic type?

The Seviper thing flew down, making buzzing sounds. There was a piece of cloth stuck to its tail that said, “Proudly hosted on Photobucket.”

Sighing, the cloaked guy shook his head. “This isn’t working. This cloak is affecting my aim. Besides, it’s not my style to begin with.”

He lifted the cloak and, in one fluid motion, threw it to the wind. In its place was standing a Sneasel. His large ear was half gone, as was part of his tail. He was wearing a belt with two guns attached to it.

On his head was that unmistakable fedora.

“By the way,” he said, smirking, “The name’s not Jonas. But you probably figured that out already.”

“You again!” shouted Gallore, jumping out of his hiding spot. How stupid. “How’d you get the guns?”

Jack twirled one in his hand, admiring it. “What do you think happened after _she_ was through with me? I’ll tell you. She dumped me with that mafia boss, collected the reward, and moved on, like she always does. Of course, when I came back, I wanted a nice souvenir from my escape.”

Aob shook her head, unable to process all this. “What do you mean, came back? I doubt it was that simple, even for a tough one like you, Jack.”

The Seviper flopped to the ground. “Jack, did she say? JACK!1 YOU’RE JACK!1 ‘Go find Jack and help him with,’ they were tellin’ me. Only I don’t know how to with!1 So how am I supposed to help you? Wait, was that even the sentence?”

Jack shrugged, pointing his gun at Aob. “I have a score to settle with these two, so you could always help me get rid of them. It might be more fun to do it myself. Or should I tell the mafia I was never dead and watch them hunt you down?” He started to laugh.

This wasn’t good. Jack was right. He had her cornered, and she had no idea what he was capable of. Coming back from the dead? Teleporting? And the guns. She had to think of a different option that didn’t end in her death, and quickly.

“You might get your revenge, but don’t you want something more out of it?” she said. “I got a pretty substantial reward for taking you out, and there’s another one coming when I deal with him. Call our feud settled and keep quiet, and I’ll offer you, say… half.”

He looked at her for a second, maybe considering whether to demand more. “You have screwed me over before, but… I guess it was just business. Alright, I’ll throw in a little extra.”

With that, he turned and shot Gallore in the shoulder. The flying Seviper thing whooped and chased Gallore as he backed toward the ship’s railing.

But Aob’s tail was waiting. She knocked him to the ground with an Iron Tail and Jack was on him in a flash. “I think I’ll like getting paid for my revenge!”

He yelled and slashed through Gallore’s stomach again and again with his claws, punched and kicked him until he was slumped against the railing, and finally stabbed his claws right into the Gallade’s face. It was savage, brutal, unlike anything Aob had ever seen before. When he was done, he shook the corpse off, and it tumbled into the water below.

Aob went up to the ship’s side and looked down at the reddening water. “You know I need to get the body to get the reward, right?”

Jack chuckled. “Yeah, but it’s the most satisfying this way, don’t you think?”


	10. The Lock

Alister and Mona looked over the bow of the ship at the bright sky, calm ocean, and the wide beach that they were approaching. Mona had been grinning with excitement for a bit, and even Alister couldn’t help giving a smile. For the first time in what felt like ages, he felt something like hope.

“Look at it,” she said. “It’s even more wonderful than I imagined. To think we almost turned back.”

Alister nodded. “Well, it definitely _looks_ like a paradise. Especially compared to our old place.”

“Considering how long it took us to get here, our house is probably full of dust by now,” Mona joked. The two Sneasels laughed a bit.

As the island came into fuller view, Alister turned to an Octillery with an eye patch and said, “Say, aren’t there supposedly pirates in these waters? We won’t run into them, will we?”

“Nah,” said the Octillery. “Arcanine—that is, our Cap’n—he’s a pretty proud fella. He’d never let anything happen to his ship. Rather die, he would.”

That wasn’t really what Alister meant, but he decided to let it go. There was plenty to worry about on the island itself, so he figured he should probably put this part out of his mind.

In fact, the landing went without a hitch. By that time, the sun was starting to sink toward the forests way ahead of them. Alister was pretty used to this kind of thing since he and Mona had moved a few times in the past, but he had to admit he was glad to be back on land.

Most of their belongings had been sent to the house ahead of them, so each of them only had a small suitcase to travel with. Hefting them over the sand on the beach beyond the docks, they thanked the sailors and went on their way.

“I can’t wait to see what this place has to offer,” Mona said. “Although it’s been such a long trip. I could use a rest.”

Alister nodded in agreement. “Yeah, me too.” As they left the beach area and approached the residential area, he noted a couple of things that unsettled him. There seemed to be some kind of sushi restaurant that was blocked off by police tape, and a bit later he spotted a garden that was dug up and destroyed. There were slash marks on a couple of the trees, and the Treecko working there looked pretty stressed.

But all that was nothing once he saw the Sneasel.

He looked pretty beaten and battered, wearing some kind of belt and apparently counting a huge stack of money with a grin on his face. He hadn’t spotted Alister yet, but the fedora on his head was unmistakable.

Alister reached an arm out to stop Mona from going any further. He couldn’t believe it. What was happening? Did he really follow them there? Was this some kind of nightmare?

“I can only imagine how you got all that,” he said, raising his voice. “Did you rob a bank around here?”

Jack laughed. “Nah, I did some honest work. It just so happens it was very—” He turned and looked at Alister, and his smile faded. “Very lucrative. What the hell are you doing here?”

“I could ask you the same thing,” Alister said. He didn’t really want to confront Jack, what with Mona on the scene, not to mention a suspicion about what the belt might be for. “We came here to get away from that lousy old place—and from you.”

The other Sneasel shrugged. “Huh. Pretty much what I was doing. Whatever. This is my town and you two need to stay out, got it?”

There was a tense silence. Alister had no idea what to do. Was Jack going to attack them?

Then Jack grunted angrily and walked away. “Just stay out of my way.”

When he had gone around the corner and out of sight, Alister let out a breath and held his head. “Why… why here?” he whispered.

Mona put a hand on his shoulder. “Was that… him?”

He nodded. “I can’t believe it. After the lengths we went to…Here we are, back where we started. This is just like one big joke.”

“Alister, we came here to relax. He may be here, but this town is a lot nicer than the one we came from. Remember that,” Mona said.

He nodded. “Let’s just go find the house.”

Night had fallen by the time they finally figured out which one was theirs. It looked pretty similar to a lot of the other ones in town, but that wasn’t so bad. It seemed big enough, anyway.

Alister went to put the key in the lock, but the knob just kind of turned, rather easily. He frowned and opened the door, then fumbled for a light switch and turned it on.

Inside, there were piles of their boxes strewn about. Nothing unusual, except…

What was the Spheal doing there?

Alister cried out. Mona screamed. The Spheal screamed a little too, then kind of laughed awkwardly. “Ah, who are you guys?” said the Spheal.

“The owners of this house,” said Alister flatly. “We’re not… sharing it with you, are we? Because that wasn’t in the agreement.”

The Spheal chuckled as he came up to face them. “Nah, I’m just here to keep it clean. I didn’t realize you guys were going to be here tonight, or I would have had the lock put back on!”

“There’s… no lock,” Alister said. He thought he might faint. “Look, just get out of here.”

The Spheal grunted and rolled past them out the door.

Mona looked at Alister. “You didn’t have to be rude. I know it’s not the best situation, but we can get it straightened out tomorrow. It’s not like anything was stolen, not even my shoe collection!” She cracked a smile, but he knew she was just trying to cheer him up with the little joke.

“That’s not what I’m worried about,” he said. “I should go get a new lock right now.”

“Alister,” she groaned. “I’m exhausted. I’m ready to go to bed without dinner! You won’t come to bed with me?”

He looked away uncomfortably. There was no way he could sleep if they weren’t safe.

“Alright,” she finally said with a sigh and a pout. “But do hurry back.”

He nodded. “I will. I’ll see you soon.”

With that, he turned and opened the door. Outside, it was completely dark. It looked like the visible form of all of Alister’s anxieties. It looked as if the darkness was going to swallow him alive.

But he had to do it. So he went.


	11. Tragedy

Jack paced next to a house in Starly Town, cigarette in his mouth. “Fuck,” he said out loud to nobody in particular, although that Chimera was there to hear.

He couldn’t believe it. That annoying Alister was stalking him now. He should have guessed it would progress to this point, since that other Sneasel was always messing with his life. But here? In this place where he’d just begun to discover what he could do?

Then there was Mona. She didn’t seem to recognize him. Maybe she didn’t make the connection that he did. Still, it disturbed him to see her, almost as much as Alister.

He had to do something. He’d seen them go into that house across the way. They were probably sleeping peacefully while he wandered around here.

“What are we going to do?” said Chimera. “Is it clubbing time? ‘The night was dark,’ I might say. Or I might not.” Indeed, the moon and stars were blocked out, and only street lights and jack-o-lanterns lit the area. It seemed people were already decorating for Halloween.

“Shut it,” Jack snapped. “I’m tired of your annoying talking, and if you keep it up somebody’s going to notice us. I’m half tempted to get rid of you for good.”

“In another life I am already away, in search of the true meaning of goffik,” Chimera muttered quietly.

He hoped that was the end of it. Just then somebody walked out of the Sneasel house and walked down the street without even bothering to lock the door. Jack smirked. He couldn’t believe his luck.

“Stay here,” he commanded quietly. “And stay quiet.”

Without another word, Jack slipped into the house. It was mostly full of still-packed boxes, but there were a couple of items of furniture as well. He looked around and guessed at the location of the bedroom—correctly. There, in the bed, was a Sneasel.

Now he could finish that Alister off once and for all.

He stalked over to the side of the bed, and muttered, “You bastard.” Then he took his claws and quickly slit the Sneasel’s throat. “You damned bastard!”

Once he started, he couldn’t stop. He stabbed his claws into his victim’s chest, shredded the blankets and made sure to leave a couple of slashes across the face. He wanted this corpse to be as ugly as the bad blood that passed between them, bad blood that Jack was finally getting the last word on, once and for all.

He finally finished, panting with adrenaline. He looked over his work one last time, grinned and nodded. He’d done it. Now all that was left was to wipe the blood from his claws.

***

Alister couldn’t believe his weird luck. After a fair bit of walking, it had suddenly dawned on him that most businesses were probably closed by now, least of all a locksmith. Yet there was a strange Clefairy in an “information booth” giving out locks for free. It was extremely weird of course, but he was too tired and frustrated to question it that much.

Then he came back home and realized there was another problem: he had no idea how to install the lock. By this time it seemed all the energy had drained out of him, so he just threw it on the floor inside the door and closed it.

“Pointless,” he muttered. “Everything we’ve been doing is pointless.”

He turned on a light to guide him to the bedroom, approached, and then stopped. In the doorway was a shadow.

Alister held his breath and readied his claws. What was it now?

He stepped closer to find a Drifloon with scythes at the ends of its arms, hovering over the bed. “Who the hell are you?” he yelled, tired of these situations. He didn’t care if he woke Mona up.

Except she wasn’t responding. He glanced over and saw her covered in blood. _Oh, Mew, what is happening?_ Now he was certain that all this was a nightmare. It couldn’t be right.

“What did you do?” he asked.

“Chill out, mon,” said the Drifloon in some kind of accent. “I didn’t do a ting to her. I am only here to bring her immortal soul to da uddah side, mon.”

“Her… soul?” Alister said. He slumped and his hands hit the floor. He didn’t want to believe what the Drifloon was saying. She wasn’t dead, was she? It didn’t make sense. He wanted to drive the Drifloon away, but it was like all the feeling had left his limbs.

“Yes, her soul. Everybody has one, mon, but not all go to the same place after life ends,” explained the Drifloon. “I’m here ta guide them to da proper place. Otherwise, they…” He turned toward the bed and let out a little “Oh.”

There was a long silence. “What?” Alister said feebly.

“Seems she got away. Why does this always happen ta me?” With that, there was a small pop, and the Drifloon vanished.

Alister laid on the floor for what could have been minutes or hours. His mind didn’t seem to function at all in that time. Finally, he crawled over to the bed and pulled himself up, to look at what remained of his wife.

It was awful. He could barely recognize her. There was so much blood, so many cuts and gashes everywhere. It all burned into his mind, the big slash across her throat, the crisscross on her chest and face…

Just then there was a bang and he heard sirens outside. A flood of Pokémon stampeded into the house and quickly filled the bed around him. A Poliwag and a Beldum came right up to the bed and started asking him questions while some others lifted up Mona’s body and looked it over more carefully. Why couldn’t they just leave her in peace, ugly as her end was?

It was surreal. More than his discovery and his strange encounter just now, the arrival of the police—and the whole damn town, it seemed—felt like a blurry, distant dream.

He never answered anything they said. After a while, the numbness and the distance threatened to fade away and bring everything back into reality. When it did, he croaked, “Get out,” but nobody heard him.

There was no strength left in him, but he still managed to yell, “Everyone just _get out_!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here ends Book One.


	12. High Seas Adventure!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here begins Book Two: Unlikely Alliances.

Ivan finished putting the last of the photos on the board. In the center was a picture of a Sneasel, representing the one they’d seen fighting with their neighbors a while back. They now knew that his name was Jack.

Of course, nobody had ever photographed Jack, so they had just pasted a little paper hat on top.

Surrounding that were several other pictures: a Treecko, a Gallade, a Feraligatr, and two other Sneasels. Due to some rumors, he had pictures of an Arbok and a Seviper as well, but he hadn’t put them up yet. In the far corner was a Tentacruel for the pirates and a small sheet with a big question mark on it.

It had taken Iam an entire day to sort through the notes from their investigation, mark out the embarrassing ones, and compile the relevant information in a second notebook. It now included what they knew about the murder report, now two weeks past.

“It still doesn’t make sense,” Ivan said. He drew arrows from Jack to all of the others, except the pirate Tentacruel. He connected Vit and Gallore since they knew each other, and the two Sneasels that were a couple. Ralph got an X for his injuries, and Gallore had a little question mark because he was missing. Mona, the murder victim, was crossed out entirely. “For the most part, there are no obvious connections. Jack would seem to be acting at random.”

Iam frowned. Maybe he was acting at random. Whatever kind of crazy this guy was, he just seemed to enjoy hurting people. Still, he said, “I bet something happened when he was at Tropius Oasis. Maybe that’s what we’re missing.”

“Perhaps he went there to contact an accomplice,” Ivan said, tapping his marker on the board. “That time is so muddled. There were rumors of his death, or that he was seen with other allies on the high seas—though few agree on their identity.”

“Yeah,” Iam laughed. “Someone even said they saw a flying Seviper or something! Crazy.” (Secretly he was attempting to doodle what this would look like, because he found it a very cool idea.)

“The only explanation is that those so-called witnesses from afar were fooled. And who is more likely to help such a dastardly figure, who more capable of creating such illusions that none can agree on their meaning… than Des Guise himself?”

And there it was again. After two years of not catching Des Guise, it had almost seemed like the Jack case would finally distract Ivan from his obsession. “You think they’re connected?” he said, trying not to give away the hint of disappointment.

Ivan drew a line connecting the large question mark to Jack. “Yes, I do. And what’s more…” A second line went from the question mark to the Tentacruel. “It’s not lost on me that he was able to escape due to the large-scale pirate attack that you and I witnessed. If not Des Guise, then it still seems as if some force must have coordinated this turn of events.”

“If there is,” Iam said, “Wouldn’t it make sense to look at Tropius Oasis? Maybe we can find some clues to what happened out there.”

Ivan nodded. “A good course of action. Alright, then. Pack a travel bag!”

And so they did. In an hour’s time they were both down at the docks, face to face with a Mudkip with a goofy grin.

“SO I HERD YOU LIEK BOATS—” The Mudkip was knocked down by a Porygon that was green instead of pink and had a weird swirl in one eye.

“Step aside, other character!” said the Porygon. “E=mc▓’k? is here to save the author from not being able to write you without copying all your lines word for word!”

Ivan seemed unfazed by this turn of events, though Iam was having trouble understanding what the Porygon said her name was. He decided to just call her “E” in his notes.

“Are you here to rent out boats?” Ivan asked.

“Yes!” said the Porygon. “BOATS BOATS BOATS! Take your pick of our fine selection!”

Ivan checked his wallet, thought a moment, then sighed and pointed to a small rowboat. “I’m sure that’s all that’s in our price range.”

“Ah, excellent choice!” said E. “That is our finest vessel, known as the Prince of Blue Shinxes. Of course most Shinxes are blue, but I guess its princehood covers more that way. And no, it doesn’t talk. Why would it talk? That’s stupid. I didn’t ask for questions, Calvin!” This was followed by a long static sound.

Ivan looked at Iam, who shrugged. They left some coins at the counter, got in the boat, and began rowing away.

Before long, the dock area disappeared and they were entering the open ocean. There wasn’t much to do except row the boat and watch Ivan, and as the rowing turned into a rhythm, Iam found himself simply admiring his companion. Despite the gravity of their mission, he was content.

Even with the two of them working together, it was hard work, and the hours ticked by as they faced the relatively calm ocean waves. It was obvious that they should have packed a lunch, but neither brought it up, just wanting to get to their destination faster.

Just as it seemed boredom would kill them, something else came instead.

It was a long tentacle that wrapped around the boat. They both screamed as a Tentacruel’s head broke the surface.

A couple more came up from other sides, joining their tentacles to make a thick curtain across the boat.

The big one, the one they’d seen before, rose up behind the rest. Iam found himself trembling.

“Cough up yer gold or sleep with the Goldeen,” he said.

“G-g-gold?” Iam said. He laughed incredulously. “What gold?” He was hovering closer to Ivan, fear getting the best of him.

Ivan took his hand reassuringly. The Meowth’s paw was shaking a little too, but he put up a brave face and said, “I’m afraid I spent the last of our coin to rent this boat. We are virtually penniless.”

The Tentacruel stared at him. “What a waste of time. Sink ‘em, boys!”

All the tentacles let go and started slamming the boat. It tipped forward, and then back. It wasn’t splintering just yet, but they both knew it would.

Iam froze, hand still in Ivan’s. It was obvious. They were going to die. He didn’t want to go without telling Ivan how he felt, but the fear built a lump in his throat that kept him from even speaking.

Ivan pulled Iam to the side of the boat. “On my count, we have to jump,” he said.

Iam looked back at the bags of supplies. There wasn’t a lot that was irreplaceable in there—just some changes of clothes and such—but if they were really out of money…

More importantly, his notebook was going to be soaked. But Ivan was right. This was about survival.

“One… two,” said Ivan. A tentacle hit the side of the boat, splitting a board. It rocked from side to side. “Three!”

They jumped just as the boat rocked back, catapulting them a ways out as wood from the boat flew in every direction. The Tentacruel cheered and laughed as they smashed the rest of the boat to pieces.

Iam was okay at swimming, but he was also exhausted from rowing. He spotted Ivan a few feet away, clinging to a board from the boat. He grabbed on and the two looked at each other, relieved. Whatever happened, they would survive.

***

Just when Iam thought he would lose consciousness, the unexpected happened. Something lifted them straight up out of the water.

“Ah, did I catch something?” said a massive voice below. “Sorry, sorry. Just coming up for air.”

Iam tried to stand up but collapsed. He looked down to see a huge, smooth blue surface. “A Wailord?” he said.

“Yup,” said the tremendous Pokémon. “I didn’t mean to mess anything up. I was just on my way to Yoki Yoki Island to go to the pet store.”

“It’s quite alright,” Ivan said, his voice strained from exhaustion. “We were quite stranded out here, actually.”

“Oh. Do you guys want a lift?”

Iam looked at Ivan. If they went back now, their trip would be for nothing. They’d be back to square one.

“Yes, thank you,” Ivan said. “We’ve had quite enough for now, I think. It’s time we went home.”

***

When the two got back home, they immediately changed out of their wet clothes and had a quick bite to eat. The whole trip, Iam couldn’t get the thing about running out of money off his mind.

“Well,” Ivan said, “We’d best get some rest. It’s been quite a day.”

“There’s one thing I want to do first,” Iam said. He took the scrap of paper where he’d drawn his idea of the Seviper thing and flipped it over. On the back, he made a quick drawing of himself and Ivan, then pinned it on the board. He drew an arrow from the Tentacruel to them.

“That’s a good likeness,” Ivan said.

“Thanks. I just thought it was important to show we’re part of this whole tangle, too.”


	13. The Price of Gold

Aob curled up in her bedroom and closed her eyes for a nap. She was doing pretty well for herself these days. Even after splitting her reward in half, the pay for Jack and Gallore’s dead bodies was pretty substantial. She could live pretty nicely on this for a while, she was sure.

Now all she had to worry about was making sure her employer didn’t find out that Jack came back. At least Gallore was gone for good… unless he somehow returned from the dead, too, but that would just be silly, wouldn’t it?

Just then there was a knock on her door. She lifted her head a little and stretched the end of her tail out to the door knob, peeking outside. Out there was a Metang, which was wearing a strange hat with… were those tangerines growing on top? And here she had thought Jack’s hat was unusual.

“Yes, what is it?” Aob said coolly.

“I’m here with a mission!” The Metang seemed very excited as she barged right through the door with a briefcase in tow. “I’ve come from the past with a mission to the future!”

Aob stared at her. “…What?”

“I’m Tangeryne, a time traveler, looking for some help. My organization is working hard to correct some issues with the timeline, and we could use a bounty hunter like you to get this job done. I brought payment, see?”

The Metang opened the briefcase. It was full of bars of solid gold. Aob had quite a few coins from the last job, but this still piqued her interest. Maybe she could build up a savings and take a real vacation from her work.

Still, this time travel business seemed weird. She hadn’t heard much about such a thing before, and if someone came from a different time just to give her a job—an absurd thought, in her opinion—it must be pretty big.

“Might I ask what this mission is?” she said.

Tangeryne said, “Boss Krow, head Honchkrow of the local mafia. Do you know about him?”

Aob’s eyes widened. For a second she’d thought that this stranger really could be from the future or the past or whatever it was again, but maybe Tangeryne was just a crazy person. After all, it would take a crazy person to go after Boss Krow.

Aob knew it well. She’d just gotten done working for him.

Still, this was a pretty big opportunity. She thought about it for a minute, quickly forming a plan. “Are you planning to assist me?” she finally asked.

“Why, yes,” said Tangeryne. “We’ll go in by stealth!”

Aob smiled. “Perfect.”

* * *

Tangeryne’s ship was pretty advanced, more like some kind of make-believe spacecraft than the seafaring vessels Aob was used to. She noted that it had some kind of laser cannons or something, which could come in handy for what was coming up ahead.

The Metang, meanwhile, was practically shaking with anticipation while driving over to the hidden isle where the Murkrow mafia had its base.

“Let’s go over the plan,” Aob said, hoping to level her ally’s head somewhat. “I just made a call to convince the Boss to meet with me in secret. Hopefully after my performance with him lately, he’ll take the bait.”

“Then I go on ahead and drive him toward the ship so you can sneak attack him!” said Tangeryne. “Seems pretty straightforward to me!”

“Yes, well, don’t be too eager, Tangelo. You wouldn’t want to slip up and give us away too quickly.”

For a minute she didn’t seem to notice the mistake, but then said, “My name’s not Tangelo, it’s Tangeryne!”

“Now why in the world would someone name you that?”

Tangeryne continued being a Metang with tangerines growing on her hat.

Presently, the ship came up to the rocky edge of the island and slowed to a stop. “Ragkazen, prepare to dock,” said Tangeryne, even though it was just her and Aob and nothing seemed to be voice activated.

Once the ship landed, Aob spotted several Murkrow approaching from all directions. Tangeryne got out and immediately hid behind a box, but it was obvious that the Murkrow had seen her. Aob frowned. She didn’t want a scuffle this early in the game.

She went up to one of the ship’s gun turrets and started moving it around. It took some getting used to, but she quickly got the idea of the aiming system.

A huge swarm of Murkrow erupted from behind a large stone wall, and Boss Krow himself appeared, smoking a cigar. She couldn’t see his face from here, but her guess was that he was suspicious.

Several other Murkrow began descending on Tangeryne. Now was the time to act, before things got messy.

Aob aimed, set her target firmly in her sights, and fired.

Tangeryne screamed. Aob shot her again. Though she had relatively few advantages against a Steel type like Metang, this ship’s guns seemed specifically designed to solve that problem. It was just too easy.

The Murkrow squawked and scattered, giving Aob a clearer shot as she fired several more times. The Metang seemed to be down, but she made sure to finish the job.

When she was satisfied that the so-called time traveler was no more, Aob worked her way out of the ship and yelled, “Sorry for the confusion. I had to get the right opportunity.”

Boss Krow flew over to her, surrounded by a couple dozen Murkrow. “Dat was some nice double crossin’ dere,” he said. “Youse is a smart cookie. After seeing you just deliver the goods before, it’s nice to see you in action.”

Aob would have shrugged if that was something Arboks could do. “Why in the world would I betray my most valued employer? Besides, she was even dumber than my other targets lately. She even left the ‘reward’ for this back at my house, so I can pick it up whenever I want.”

Boss Krow laughed out loud. “Ah, ya know what? I like you. How’s about youse come by for Tanksgivin’ dinner?”

Aob stared. She didn’t know how to react. This was completely unexpected.

He laughed some more. “Just kiddin’. We don’t celebrate Tanksgivin’ around here. I’m heading to Yoki Yoki so I can hit up the bar, if you want to join me.”

Aob nodded. “That sounds wonderful. Hold one moment—there’s one more thing I wanted to do first.”

She went back into that ship—the Ragkazen, was it? It took her a couple of minutes to figure it out, but she hit several buttons and then quickly got out. “Get back,” she warned.

As she and the Murkrow watched, the supposedly high-tech contraption self-destructed in a fiery explosion.

After all, there was no reason to leave any trace behind.


	14. The Bar Incident

Haunter’s bar never had live entertainment, but the Weezing, Buizel and Machop had insisted.

Aob and Boss Krow had just gotten there when people started moving tables in order to set up the makeshift stage. It didn’t really bother them, as they were sitting at the bar anyway.

The Weezing floated up to the microphone and said, “Hi, everyone. My name’s Cuomo. We’re Cuomo and the Rivers. Our first song tonight is in tribute to the late Stan Hitmonlee.”

There was a lot of general booing. “Too soon!” yelled a random Seel.

A Crawdaunt grunted in a raspy voice. “That’s right! He hasn’t even been dead 500 years! And he was only 95 even then. You see, he’s not OLD enough for me to care!”

Everyone stared at the Crawdaunt.

“Of course, this bar isn’t that old either,” he grumbled. “Bah, why am I here? All you yougn folk everywhere.”

“Don’t you mean young?” asked a Seedot.

The Crawdaunt flattened him with a claw before walking out, saying, “No, I meant yougn!”

The Weezing cleared his throat, as well as a Weezing can, that is. “Alright, since that idea didn’t go over well, let’s play one that’s a little more well known.”

The Buizel started playing a light guitar riff. He prepared to start banging out a louder chord as the Weezing sang, “ _My name is J—_ ”

Just then there was a gunshot and the Weezing fell to the ground, bleeding from its smaller head.

“Dammit,” said someone in the doorway. “My finger slipped.”

Aob turned her head, but she already knew by the voice. It was Jack.

“You should really play a less depressing song anyway,” he said.

By this time, Boss Krow was looking at Jack. He’d certainly recognized him, Aob was sure, and now he was processing how this could be. She couldn’t blame him, honestly. Maybe she should run now.

“You wanna explain dis to me?” Krow said in a low voice.

“I have no idea,” Aob said. “You saw the body. We were both there. I crushed every bone he had and we confirmed no pulse.”

“Seems to me, you thought you could just nab any ol’ Sneasel, stick a hat on ‘im and call it good. Am I right?”

“No—no, I’m certain it was him,” Aob said. For some reason, it was even more troubling to think about now than when she’d seen him on the boat. “How did you come back?”

“That’s for me to know and you to wonder about forever,” said Jack. “Now if you’ll excuse me, I have a really annoying Beldum to get away from. He turned toward the door.”

“Not so fast!” said Aob. Her tail slammed the floor, causing a small tremor. Booze bottles rattled on the shelves, and some fell off the front of the bar. Jack fell, as did about a dozen bar patrons.

“You gonna finish the job?” asked Krow. “Technically your time limit’s up, but if you get him nice and dead I might reconsider terms.”

“Fuck that!” yelled Jack. He lunged forward and slashed at Aob’s head with his claws, but she slapped him backward with an Iron Tail and lifted her head up toward the ceiling.

By this time the bar patrons were already beating the crap out of each other. Someone threw a Voltorb so hard it smashed into the ceiling and got stuck in the woodwork.

An enraged Machoke came after Aob with a broken bottle. As Jack leapt to claw at her eyes, she ducked back down and the Machoke hit him instead. He let out a string of curses and reached into his belt.

Boss Krow glared at Jack, remembering the guns. “I don’t know how you got dose, but give ‘em back.”

Jack didn’t even seem to hear. He pointed it at the massive Arbok’s chest and fired three times.

Aob was shocked. She looked down at the blood oozing out, not seeming to believe it. Then she collapsed on the floor.

The bar fight subsided. It was deathly quiet, not like the time of the pirate attack. Nobody moved, except Jack, who was laughing.

“Better ‘and over my guns, nice and slow like,” said Krow, stopping him. He had another gun, put up against the back of his head. “I will shoot, I promise.”

“Dammit,” Jack muttered. “Where is that useless Chimera when I need him?”

* * *

At that moment, Chimera was in a tree, playing cards with some Pidgeys. “Got any fourteens?” he asked.

“I told you, we’re not playing,” one squawked, and knocked the cards on the ground. Chimera gave out a little groan as he watched the cards fall.

And there, rolling around on the ground, was a Wooper with a broken antenna. She was singing the tune of Twinkle Twinkle Little Star, except all the words were just “Woot.”

It was magnificent and goffik, and even the other part of Chimera’s brain couldn’t disagree.

He flew down as gracefully as he could manage and said, “‘Hello, good madam,’ he would say to her.”

Without stopping her rolling, the Wooper said, “Hi I’m Woot, and yes I am a Wormadam. Thank you for noticing.”

“Hey wait, I know who you are!1” said Chimera, all the parts of his brain suddenly firing in a grand revelation. “You’re Ebony Dark’ness Dementia Raven Way!1 Hello Enoby.”

“Hi,” said Woot.

“I am the Dark Arrow Cast from the Glaring Face of Nightmares,” Chimera continued. “But since you are so very goffik, you may have the singular privilege of calling me Chimera.”

“I have no cell phone signal,” Woot said. “Or cell phone. What’s a cell? Or a phone?”

Just then, that one Jack guy came out the door of the bar, followed by a Honchkrow with some guns. One of the guns was pointing at Jack, and they were walking out toward the docks.

“I might be supposed to follow him,” said Chimera aloud. “But, ‘Go the hell away,’ he would say to I. ‘I don’t need your help.’”

He turned back toward Woot, but she was gone. Where did she go? He felt something on top of his head and tried to look up at it with his Dunsparce eyes, but they didn’t really work that way.

“Woot!” said Woot from atop his head.

And Chimera was so excited to have a Woot on his head, he didn’t even care as Jack, the guy he was sent to help, was summarily shot and thrown into the ocean.

He was kind of a prep anyway.


	15. NEW Super Yoki Story Returns U: Chimera Strikes Back with a Revengeance Gaiden - Mega Golden Deluxe Collector’s Edition (with a side of curly fries and ranch dipping sauce)

HELLO EVERYONE!!! WELCOME BACK TO YOKI YOKI PANIC IN THIS NUDIST I MEAN NEWEST CHAPTER OF OUR STORY!!! WE WILL BEGIN WITH A VERY SPECIAL ANNOUNCEMENT, INTRODUCING YOUR NEW NARRATOR: ME, DINGLE!!! I AM A CHIMECHO WITH A VERY LARGE MOUTH AND I LIKE TO SHOUT A LOT!!!

WHEN LAST WE LEFT OFF, OUR HERO, JACK THE SNEASEL, HAD JUST BEEN SHOT AND THROWN INTO THE OCEAN!!! THAT’S RIGHT, HERO!!! WE NOW FOLLOW HIS GHOST WHICH, BEING A SNEASEL, IS BOUND TO ENCOUNTER ANOTHER CHARACTER WHO IS ALSO THE GHOST OF A SNEASEL!!! HER NAME IS MONA IF YOU FORGOT!!! AND SO IS HER HUSBAND!!!

“Hey, don’t forget about me,” SAID NELL!!! SHE IS YET ANOTHER SNEASEL WHO HASN’T EVEN BEEN INTRODUCED YET!!! SHE IS DIFFERENT THOUGH BECAUSE SHE IS WHITE!!!

“That’s racist,” SAID RANDOM DIGLETT!!! YES, HIS NAME IS RANDOM!!! IT IS ACTUALLY THE MOST COMMON FIRST NAME ON YOKI YOKI!!! BECAUSE OF THIS, SUCH PEOPLE ARE OFTEN CALLED BY THEIR LAST NAME!!! WHICH IS USUALLY ALSO THEIR SPECIES!!!

“When are we getting back to the story?” ASKED NELL!!!

“As soon as I’m alive again, which is right now,” SAID JACK!!! HE PUT BACK ON HIS COOL HAT WHICH IS WHAT MAKES HIM DIFFERENT FROM THE OTHER SNEASELS!!! “No, what makes me different is I don’t give a fuck. Also I swear a lot.”

“Two can play at that game,” SAID GALLORE, WHO SUDDENLY ROSE FROM THE OCEAN!!! “I’m back, bitches!”

“You mean returning from the dead, or swearing?” ASKED NELL!!! THIS IS THE EXACT SAME SPEAKER TAG USED THREE PARAGRAPHS AGO!!! OH WELL!!!

“Both. Not that I have ever been known to swear before, but it seemed like the thing to say at the time.”

JUST THEN JACK SHOT GALLORE WITH A GUN!!! THIS INTRODUCES A MAJOR CONTINUITY ERROR BECAUSE LAST TIME, BOSS KROW CONFISCATED THE GUNS BEFORE KILLING JACK!!! I DON’T REMEMBER IF THAT WAS SPECIFICALLY MENTIONED THOUGH!!! IN ANY CASE, THERE IS NOW A MAJOR PLOT HOLE HOVERING OVER THE SCENE!!!

“Before this gets any more ridiculous, I need to clear something up,” SAID AOB AS SHE DIVED OUT OF NOWHERE AND ATE GALLORE!!!

““““Woot!” said Woot,” said Woot,” SAID WOOT!!!” said Dingle. Wait what?

Random Diglett: Maybe this format makes more sense for this type of— *shot*

JUST THEN, EVERYONE EXCEPT ME WAS SUCKED INTO THE PLOT HOLE, RETURNING EVERYTHING TO ITS PREVIOUS STATE!!! WHICH WAS PROBABLY IDAHO OR SOMETHING!!!

“April Fools, prepz!1” SAID CHIMERA!!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Actually the chapter is the April Fools joke but Yoki coming back isn't. Only there will probably only be a chapter like every 1-2 weeks because uh life got tough?


	16. Breaking the Ice

“That must be the biggest Mewmas gift ever!”

Nell, a young white Sneasel, was looking at a large box wrapped in green paper. Her parents, also Sneasels—although her dad was dressed up as a Delibird—stood behind her, smiling.

“Are you sure it’s okay to open it early?” she asked, looking at them.

“You know your mom couldn’t wait to give it to you,” said her dad. “Besides, you’ll want to have it during the Mewmas break.”

Her curiosity piqued, she tore into the wrapping paper with her claws. In seconds the box was bare, and she stepped back in disbelief.

“The Rapidash 2170?” Nell said. It was the newest and biggest core to power, process and run big machines—exactly the kind of thing the inventive white Sneasel loved to work on. “Where in Ice did you manage to find one?”

“It just took a little shopping,” her mom said. “Do you like it?”

“Like it? This baby could get my whole lab moving. Only… I never imagined I’d own one this nice!” Nell found herself tearing up. She turned away, not wanting to cry in front of her parents. Though she was 10 years old, they considered her very mature for her age, and she wanted to keep that image.

When she finally composed herself, she said, “Thank you so much.” She hugged each of them in turn. “It’s the best Mewmas gift ever. Do you mind if I, um… go work with it for a while?”

“Of course,” said her dad. “It’s not there just to stand up and be shiny, after all.”

She thanked them again and ran off. The two parents smiled at each other before the mother’s grin faded a bit. “Not to ruin the moment, but I have a little bit of bad news for you,” she said.

The male frowned. “What is it?”

“It’s about your aunt Mona. It seems she passed away a couple of months ago,” she explained.

He looked around, staring out the window. “That’s… that’s terrible. Is she here?”

His wife shook her head. “She didn’t make it for some reason. Maybe… maybe it was just time.”

If Mona’s life was extinguished for good, then she was gone from existence forever. But if she’d died wrongly, before her life was over, then she should have made it here, to the afterlife of Ice type Pokémon. That was what had happened to him and his wife in that awful crash, just before Nell was born.

Sure, a Sneasel could end up in the Dark type afterlife, but after taking one look at that place, only the gloomiest, most solitary Pokémon would choose it.

Mona was older, but not so old that her life should have run out already. He couldn’t believe that she was really gone. Somewhere deep down, he knew something was wrong.

* * *

After about a week of adjustments and reconnecting, Nell’s lab was back online, run by her new Rapidash 2170.

She was over the moon. Programs that used to take a few minutes to load now started up in second. All her old equipment could run at once without any slowdown. But there was still one thing she had to try.

Up until now, the transdimensional portal device seemed like a sound theory, but she could only build the base of the machine. There wasn’t enough power to actually run it. But now…

Nell did some quick calibration and jumped up. If she was right, she could run it that very minute. She yelled to the other room, “Mom! Dad! I have something really great to show you!”

She couldn’t wait any longer. She threw the switch and watched it grind into life.

With a high-pitched hum, a burst of bluish-white energy whirled around the empty space on one side of the room. It expanded and separated in a rush of pressure, a loud howling wind sound deafening her.

She looked through the window that was forming and saw a snowy hill, looking out on a blue sunny sky. It was something she’d only ever seen in her dreams.

“Mom! Dad!” she called again. Waiting was too hard. Maybe she could wait from the other side?

Nell rubbed her claws together and jumped right in. Her ears popped as a gust of frigid air hit her in the face. Yet, she still felt warmer somehow.

She’d done it. Nell had crossed over into—she wasn’t sure where, but it didn’t matter. She laughed with exhilaration. Now to show her parents this experience. She turned around to look into the portal—and it was gone.

“M-mom?” she said out loud. There was only more hill and that sky, and beyond that—way below, because it seemed she was at a dizzying height—she thought she could make out an expanse of sand.

A Swinub burst out of the snow right next to her, startling her. “Who is it?” he said. “Oh, great, just what we needed. Another Sneasel. Hmph.” He began burrowing back into the snow.

“Wait!” said Nell. “Where are we? And what’s all that down there?”

The Swinub sighed. “Not just a Sneasel. A stupid Sneasel. You know, Mt. Golem? Yoki Island? Down there is Sandshrew Desert. I guess next you’ll say you didn’t know there’s legends about ancient civilizations beyond there, or that nobody’s ever crossed it. WHY AM I TELLING A FREAKING SNEASEL THIS?” He dug back down and disappeared, never to be seen again, probably.

Nell shook her head. “You don’t have to be rude about it…” She looked around at the bare snow.

“Mom, Dad, where are you?”

A crunch of snow made her turn around. There was a Sneasel there, or rather, the image of one, printed on a bag. It was her school bag. Confused, she opened it up to find her Pokémon identifier (which also had a Sneasel head on it) and some other gadgets. There were some snacks, water, and coins packed in there as well.

“If this is a joke,” she said out loud, hoping they could somehow hear her, “Or if you’re trying to punish me, it’s not funny. Come on, open it back up.”

A much larger object appeared from thin air and crunched next to her. Stepping back, she realized it was the old hoverboard, an ancient piece of technology that inspired her to build gadgets. It had never worked; most were convinced it was too old, but Nell always thought the cold temperatures of the Ice afterlife were responsible.

Now it was here. But why?

Maybe she was still sort of connected to her parents back home. If she was supposed to stay out here a while, she could at least see what there was to discover.

With a nervous sigh she began her trip down the snowy hill.

* * *

It turned out to be more of a mountain. In a few hours’ time, she managed to work her way down, carrying the heavy bag and hoverboard. (It still didn’t work.) Her identifier quickly became very useful as she spotted dozens of Pokémon she had never seen, especially as the landscape turned greener and livelier.

There were buildings much like she knew, except instead of a shelter from the cold they were just structures that contained certain things. More strange Pokémon walked in and out of them freely.

As she was identifying a Grass-type—Weepinbell, apparently—it went past her muttering, “Damn Sneasels, they’re everywhere.”

She threw her claws up. “What is this, Anti-Sneasel Town?”

“No, it’s Arbok Way,” said a nearby Seedot (as Nell later learned it to be). When she looked at him, he said, “Please don’t hurt me,” and ran away.

Nell sighed and looked at the bustling crowds, then the buildings. She noticed one that seemed to be a restaurant and thought about the coins in her bag. She’d blown right through the snacks, and she could use something more. Maybe she’d just check the prices.

When she walked into the restaurant, which was themed after ship parts on the inside, she noticed a Porygon floating near the kitchen.

“Chefs!” yelled the Porygon in a middle-aged man’s voice. “Win this auction, and you can force one of your opponents to cook their ENTIRE dish using this one heat source… BOBS! Bring it out!”

Two Makuhitas wearing blue shirts pushed a cart carrying a large and very bored-looking Pokémon. Just as Nell was getting it identified, the Porygon shouted, “THIS NUMEL! MWAHAHAHAHA!”

Nell looked around. The other customers seemed just as confused as she was. Still, maybe she should just get out of here.

“Who will give me five hundred dollars to NOT have to cook with this diabolical sabotage?”

Rather than try to figure out what a dollar even was, she just walked out.

Still hungry, Nell dug into the bag when she got outside, hoping to find something she missed. She did, but it wasn’t food. It was an envelope.

Her heart sank. _Our Dear Nelly_. Tears formed in her eyes, but instead of flash freezing and sticking to her face, they trickled down, a little warm.

She knew she couldn’t bring herself to open it right now. Something told her it was the last message she would ever get from her parents.


	17. Yoki's (Wrong) Holiday Short

Ivan tapped his pen on his desk, quietly so as not to wake Iam. It was the morning of Mewmas Eve, and at this point he wasn’t sure they had the coins to eat for the week, let alone buy gifts.

In short, they were broke. As an Ace Detective, he knew his time was best spent going after the true evil, Des Guise, but he had to admit, it wasn’t making them a penny.

He looked around the agency and tiptoed to the closet. On the right side were a variety of stylish outfits, tailored to fit a Pikachu. On the left, there were eight copies of the exact same suit, complete with the bowtie.

Ivan quietly put one of them on, then folded a second and snuck out the door.

* * *

 

A few minutes later, he walked out of Kirlia Fashions with a heavy sigh and a light sack of coins. The price he’d gotten wasn’t exactly fair, but what else could he do?

Since there was a fair amount, he knew he wanted to get Iam a nice gift. Especially after losing so much in the pirate attack. He strolled over to a shop called Poffins Max, which oddly sold not poffins, but office supplies.

A Raichu at the counter greeted him. He waved and headed to the notebooks section, where it became obvious that such a seemingly simple category included at least a thousand options.

There was a Medicham looked at them as well. After a minute, she said, “What do you think would be good for recording memories?”

Ivan looked up from the shelf he was studying. “You mean like a journal?”

“And notes. I… tend to forget things, it seems. And it’s hard to piece things back together when I just forget again.”

He thought for a moment. “You’re Psychic—you don’t use a lot of Amnesia, do you?”

“Don’t even know the move. I seem to just have bad luck.”

Something about those last two words struck a chord with Ivan. He reached into his pocket and handed her a business card. “It sounds like you have a mystery. Let me know if you need help with it.”

With that, he picked up a nice notebook with a durable cover and non-bleed paper, but small enough for Iam to carry everywhere easily. He went off to pay for it, adding, “I hope you find what you’re looking for.”

* * *

 

When he got home, he found Iam trying to quickly cover something up. “Oh, sir, welcome home!”

Ivan smiled. “Sorry for leaving without notice. I didn’t want to wake you.”

“N-no, it’s okay, sir,” Iam said quickly. “I had some time to finish your… your Mewmas present. I should probably wait until tomorrow, but I’m not sure if you’ll like it. Can I just give it to you now?”

Ivan chuckled. “As long as I can do the same.”

He took the notebook out of the bag and presented it to Iam. The Pikachu’s face lit up. “Wow, this is…” He took it and flipped through the pages. “I love it. Thank you, sir.”

After a bit of admiring the notebook, Iam seemed to snap out of it. “Oh, right! Here.”

He put down his notebook and lifted up a frame that seemed to be made of plain scrap wood. He turned it to reveal a picture of Ivan and Iam smiling, rendered in Iam’s distinct style in what was probably colored pens. At the bottom it said “Ivan and Iam” followed by something that was scribbled out.

“I don’t know if it’s any good,” Iam said quickly. “You can just tuck it in the corner if you like, sir. Or just throw it out if you don’t like it. It won’t hurt my feelings, honest. It’s probably stupid…”

“It’s perfect!” Ivan said suddenly. “I want to find a nice prominent spot for it. Iam, if you don’t mind, I’d like to spend some time on rearranging our decorations today.”

“Really? Well, I’d be glad to help, sir!”

And that was how the Ace Detective and his assistant spent their Mewmas Eve together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was going to put a funny comment about being four months late and tie it in to the other holiday that is happening today but like
> 
> How do I turn Easter into a Pokémon pun
> 
> I'm too tired to think of anything


	18. Not As Planned

Vit the Treecko wiped some sweat off his forehead. It was the last day of the year, and he wanted to finish fixing his garden before winter struck. Yoki usually had a short, mild one, but it was still enough to force Vit inside every year.

With the sun getting higher, folks would probably be passing through for lunch. He liked to beat the rush by a few minutes, so it was time for a midday stroll. He grabbed a few spare berries for lunch and headed to the Leaf Green Forest.

Shortly after arriving, he heard some faint humming from above. At first he couldn’t place it, but there was a Spheal sitting on a low branch.

“Oh, hi,” said the Spheal. “You’re… Vit, right?”

Vit blinked. “Yeah, I am. How did you know?”

“I know a lot of people around town. You were in the news a lot a few months ago with the whole Jack incident.” The Spheal jumped down from the tree and landed less than a foot in front of Vit. “I heard you were pretty brave back then, but you seem really nervous right now. What’s wrong?”

Vit laughed, though he wasn’t sure why. Brave? Him? Probably not. “Sorry, I just have a hard time with talking to people. Especially new people.”

“Aha!” said the Spheal. “Maybe you just need practice. You need to go back to town and greet the first Pokémon you see.”

Before he could protest, the Spheal rolled away along the ground. Vit sighed and turned toward home, the conversation already weighing on his mind.

* * *

As Vit got back to town, munching the berries (he’d forgotten to have lunch in the forest), he immediately saw groups of Pokémon talking and laughing together. He couldn’t just intrude on that, no matter what that Spheal said. What did he need to become social for, anyway?

The only other person there alone was a blue Scizor, looking into the wishing well. Was this guy lonely or just a loner? Vit decided if things got awkward he’d just say a Spheal made him do it.

Before Vit could say hello, the Scizor chucked a coin in the dry well and said, “I wish I had something to do!”

The Scizor looked up at Vit. “Oh, sorry. I’m just bored. You can take your turn at wishing if you want.”

Vit didn’t have much money, but did one coin really matter? He looked into the well, said, “I really wish I was better at this whole interaction thing,” and tossed in a coin.

There was a thunderous roar as a bright light shone from inside the well. “HOW DARE YOU LITTER IN THE WISHING WELL?” The booming voice nearly knocked Vit off his feet as a star-shaped silhouette rose.

“Okay, assholes, I’m Gandhi and I’m here to grant your wishes… by sending you to jail!”

There was a puff of smoke and then Vit found himself in a cage just big enough for him to move his arms and legs easily. The Scizor seemed to be in a similar situation.

A Spoink bounced up to the cages and said, “You’ll be plenty busy following orders, and you should get plenty of interaction with your new owner. Besides, this is a fitting punishment for littering.”

“Orders?” Vit said. “Owner?”

“Yup. Time for a slave auction.” There was another poof and the cages dropped onto a stage in the middle of a crowded street. “Attention, everyone! I will now auction off these two individuals as loyal slaves. We will begin with the Scizor. Starting bid is 1000 coins.”

Was this a joke? Was there really a slave trade here in Yoki? Vit didn’t know anything about it, and he was especially shocked that it was so… public.

“I bid my shoe!”

“I bid this tree!”

“Ooh, a test subject,” said a Magneton. “We bid 1001 coins!”

“I bid this pineapple!”

“Please, everyone,” said Spoink. “I can only accept real money as payment.”

“What about solid gold bars?” There was a hush as the most massive Arbok Vit had ever seen worked her way up to the stage, with a large sack clutched in the end of her tail.

“Hmm,” said Spoink. “I could make a gold statue of mys—I mean, something. Okay, sold for big bag of gold bars!”

As the Arbok led the Scizor off stage, one part of the Magneton said, “Wait, we lost? This infuriates me! Must… destroy…”

The single Magnemite began to glow as the other two yelled, “Wait—no—stop—”

The Magneton exploded, breaking part of the stage and launching away as it yelled, “Looks like the Magnos Bros. are blasting off again!”

“Well that was interesting,” said Spoink. “Right, moving on. What about this Treecko? He may not look like much, but I’m sure he’s good for… something? Screw it, how about 50 coins?”

Dead silence. Oh, no. Vit didn’t want to be a slave, of course, but he also didn’t want to be stuck in this cage forever.

“Excuse me,” droned a resounding voice from afar. “I never did find the pet I was looking for, so can I make a bid? I have a mouthful of coins. But, uh, I’m a Wailord, so it’s a really big mouthful.”

“Praise Jirachi! I got rid of him!” said Spoink. “I mean, uh, congratulations, Wailord.”

“What just happened?” Vit muttered. He yelped as his cage rose off the ground, levitating along with the Spoink as it bounced toward the beach.

The trip took a few minutes, as they had to pass through the main part of town. Vit balled up and stared at his feet, not wanting to look at the world outside. He couldn’t really comprehend that he had just been sold to a Wailord; for now, the worst part was being carried around for everyone to see.

At the beach, the Wailord in question had his eyes sticking just above the water, with a top hat on the front of his head. “Ah, perfect,” he said.

“Payment, please,” said Spoink.

Wailord raised up a bit, opened his mouth and spit a torrent of cash on top of Spoink with a massive “bleh” noise. Spoink sprang out of the pile, said, “Thanks,” and poofed out of existence, along with all the money.

Vit grimaced. He was now in a cage on the beach, staring at a Wailord in a top hat. Now what?

Wailord leaned forward and opened his maw. So this was it. Vit came here to be eaten alive. If only he had never listened to that Spheal!

He screamed as Wailord’s teeth closed on the bars, crushing them even closer together.

Then the jaws opened, and suddenly Vit found himself flying freely through the air, launched out of his cage—by what means he didn’t know. The next second he smacked into the top of Wailord’s head.

He was dazed for a fair bit, just watching the sky whirl above him. Then it dawned on him that he was not only still alive, but free from the cage. He sat up, and once his vision cleared he saw the beach of Yoki Island receding into the distance.

They were quickly approaching the middle of the ocean, and Vit knew he couldn’t swim that far. So much for escaping.

* * *

Days passed. Most of the time, Vit had to ride on the top hat to stay above the water. Wailord would feed him berries every few hours. He wasn’t sure where they came from or how they weren’t half-digested, but he figured he should just take what he could get.

The problem was the questions. It would’ve been one thing if Wailord just talked a lot. He could ignore that. But he kept asking Vit questions about himself that he really, really did not feel like answering. How was his childhood? What was his favorite color? What would he do for a Klondike Bar? It just wouldn’t end.

Except that one day, it did. Wailord went quiet one cloudy morning for a minute or two. Vit welcomed the silence, but he was also anxious to know why.

Just when Vit was about to get up and check on Wailord, a big splash turned his attention to a throng of Tentacool coming up to Wailord.

“Yarr, fancypants!” said one.

“Hey, didn’t you say that last time?” said another.

“Yeah, but this guy is wearing a top hat!”

A third, slightly larger Tentacool cleared its throat. “You two be quiet. Wailord! On behalf of Cap’n Tacru, we’re here to get the mouthful of coins ye owe him. Cough ‘em up or sleep with the fishes! Er, specifically the dead ones.”

“I don’t have it,” said Wailord. Somehow his low voice made it really hard to detect emotion.

“So be it! Pirates, attack!”

A swarm of Tentacool bashed into Wailord, who opened his mouth to try to eat them. As he chomped down, the fight reached a stalemate as they scattered and smacked their tentacles against his huge body.

A Tentacool climbed and leapt off his comrades, landing right next to Vit. “Agh, it’s a Grass type!” it said. “Run!”

Seeing an opportunity, Vit rushed the Tentacool and wrestled it into the water. He hung onto its head as it swam away screaming.

“Wait!” called another Tentacool. “You’re part Poison—you can take him on!”

“I’m not very good at Poison attacks,” it sobbed in reply. “Please don’t kill me, Mr. Grass Type!”

“I won’t,” Vit said, stifling a laugh. Although he felt kind of bad, he added, “Uh, that is, if you do what I want.”

“Anything! I want to live long enough to evolve, and start a family, and… oh, I can’t die now!”

Well now he really felt guilty. “Then take me to the nearest land mass and drop me off.”

The Tentacool started swimming with Vit on top of it. By noon, he could see a heavily forested island—not Yoki—and a while later they came up to it. The Tentacool swam up to the beach and Vit hopped off.

“Thanks for the ride.”

“Oh, you’re… welcome? Incidentally, why was that your request?”

“Well, I can’t swim that far?”

“You can’t? Wait a minute… You couldn’t have killed me because you would have drowned. You needed me all along? You were bluffing? How DARE you take advantage of my ignorance? I THOUGHT WE WERE FRIENDS! Why, I oughta—”

Vit cut him off with a Bullet Seed as he ran away into the forest. He had no idea where he was, but at least he was finally free.


	19. The Frame: Part 1

“Woot, woot, woot! New Year’s party, New Year’s party!”

Jack sighed and tried to ignore the singing Wooper as she spun around on Chimera’s head. He really had been invited to a party… by Aob. He wasn’t sure it was a good idea, but he couldn’t really think straight with these two idiots going on.

“Why is there never an Old Year’s party?” said Woot.

“Because the old year is, like, so last year,” said Chimera.

“Shrug,” Woot said out loud. “Oh well. New Year’s party, New Year’s party!

“You two aren’t invited!” Jack snapped. “Not that I want you around in the first place. And even if you did go, it wouldn’t be fun because it’s clearly a trap.”

“Aw, but I just joined the team,” Woot whined. “I’m the goalie.”

“Yeah, we stick together!1” said Chimera. “Especially now that I came back, offscreen. ‘But Chimera,’ the astute reader says to I, ‘last time you abandoned him and called him a prep.’ Yes, but he came back, and being undead makes him 206% more goffik. I wonder if zombies are considered Dark type or Ghost type. Well, he was already Dark type…”

“I’m no good at typing, even with the lights on,” Woot said. “I have no hands.”

“Will you two dumbfucks just shut up already?” Jack roared. He raised his sharp claws towards them both. “I’m trying to think. I shot her—must have been just over a month ago—so even if it’s a trap she must be recovering still. Right? I can get her.”

It was quiet for a second.

“Hi,” said Woot.

Jack growled, but lowered his claws. “You two stay here and wait. If I’m not back by 2AM, sink her ship.”

Without waiting for another inane response, he headed out.

The letter he’d received had a few vague sentiments about misunderstanding and making up. He knew it was bullshit. She just wanted to entice him into this “party” which happened to be on her boat. Most likely there was no party and she’d just be waiting in the dark to strike.

When he turned the corner to the docks, he was assaulted by lights and music. A line of Pokémon were standing by the dock, just waiting. Through the lights he could make out a sign that said, “No Fire types beyond this point.” Perhaps more helpful was “VIP Guest Entrance.”

Skirting the main line and a sobbing Houndour, he presented his letter to a Corphish by the gangplank.

“YOU ARE JACK?” it said in a very grating voice. “GO ABOARD. BOAT LEAVE SOON.”

As he stepped onto the deck, crowded with Pokémon of every kind he could think of, a loud voice said, “How are you all doing tonight?” The cheering in response deafened him. Aob could be anywhere in this, he realized, waiting to strike. “This is your MC, DJ Drow-Z. We’re about to set sail, but first I want to thank our generous hostess, Aob!”

There was another round of applause as Jack backed up to a rail and surveyed the deck. “I’m so excited!” screamed a random Staryu. “I have no idea who Aob is!”

Just when he thought she might not be here at all, he spotted her. She was twisting and curling her long body on the dance floor. Her scales gleamed in the moonlight and shone in the party lights. Altogether, she was kind of pretty when she wasn’t trying to kill him.

But, Jack reminded himself, she _was_ trying to kill him. Probably. He had to admit, it was a pretty big setup, but she probably had it in her. Even if there were about a hundred witnesses…

“Jackie!” she said, waving her tail at him. It was curled around a tall drink. “So glad you could make it. Over here!”

Jackie? Seriously? She must have already had a couple if she thought she could call him that. May he could use that to his advantage.

He made his way through the crowds and closer to her, just out of the dance floor. “You seem… different,” he said, over the noise.

“I’m taking time off hunting to enjoy my spoils,” she explained. “You should try having a little fun some time.”

“Fun for me is fucking with people—I do it all the time.”

“I mean, relax a little bit. Maybe you’d feel more comfortable downstairs, where it’s quieter?”

This was the trap. He knew it. She would get him alone and try to drop his guard and strike. But it was also his chance to get at her.

And, he thought as he eyed her dazzling form writhing back and forth, maybe he should be seen taking a desirable woman below decks.

“Sounds nice,” he finally said. He should have come up with a better line, but everything was just too distracting. Aob slithered down the stairs to her cabin, and he followed behind her tail.

The dark night and strobe lights gave way to a soft, almost candlelit feel below. There was a wide couch, a small table and what looked to be a makeshift bar. Behind that was a blue Scizor.

Aob curled up on the couch, taking up most of it but patting a spot next to her, “Bass,” she said, “Bring us the nice bottle… and then leave us alone.”

“Yes, ma’am,” said the Scizor. He came over with a large bottle of a white champagne. “Completely sealed,” he said, giving Jack a closer look.

“I know you might be worried about poison,” Aob explained. “As you can see, it’s not tampered with.”

The mention brought him out of his fog. “What made you want to make things up with me?”

As the Scizor was pouring their glasses, she said, “Oh, come on, Jackie. We’re not enemies. Not really. It’s Krow that wanted you dead. And he fired me. He said he’s leaving me alive because of the Metang incident, but I already failed with you.”

The Scizor walked out and closed the door with a click. Jack said, “You expect me to believe you want to be friends just because of that?”

Her eyes held steady on his. “Why don’t we have a drink? At the same time. A toast, to a better, luckier, more peaceful year. Cheers.”

“Cheers,” he muttered, watching her closely. If she didn’t drink it, no way in hell he would. But she did. Trying to get him drunk? Two could play at that game.

It was surprisingly strong. As he gulped it down, Aob said, “I’ll admit I wanted the company. It’s my time off and I tend to kill the people I spend most time with. In truth, I’ve been thinking about the New Year’s tradition of the midnight kiss.”

Jack coughed and sputtered. Was this a joke? It was definitely unexpected. Where did that even come from? The hot feeling in his face had to be anger or something—not attraction or, worse, embarrassment.

“Wait, so you’re saying,” he said, catching his breath, “first you tried to kill me, now you have the hots for me? What the fuck, lady?”

Aob laughed. “Come on, Jackie. It’s almost like you’ve never been kissed before. It’s really nothing—doesn’t mean anything at all. But they say that when the new year begins, it brings good luck. We could both use a little bit of that, right?”

Jack cleared his throat. “What about that Scizor guy just now? I bet he’d kiss you if you asked.”

“Ah, yes. That’s Bass. He’s my… slave, apparently.”

“Oh, I didn’t realize you were in that kind of relationship.”

“Ha. It’s not what you’re thinking. I bought him and he does what I ask. Neither one of us asks questions, which is why I don’t really want to make things personal.”

“Personal, like it would be with me. Admit it, you saw something you like.”

Aob shook her head. “Jackie, Jackie, Jackie. Why must you make things so complicated? I told you, we’re here to relax…”

She moved in closer, where he could see her hood and the complex pattern inside it. It was so distracting. Even though he was sure he still had a while before midnight, she was bringing her face so close he was sure she was about to kiss him. He froze up, eyes meeting hers.

“Relax, Jack.”

That was the last thing he remembered.


End file.
